Sleepwalking
by xXxSTAIGxXx
Summary: Lucy has a troubling past and was in love with Natsu, but he had eyes for another. When she almost gets into an accident an unlikely guy comes to her rescue, Rogue. Their relationship slowly starts to come together after some fateful words and events. The story will start off fairly slow but hopefully you'll come along for the journey. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: Fake Love

_**A/N:**_ _**Hey guys thanks for checking out this story and I really hope you guys enjoy this. I'm open to any reviews. Also just a heads up, this story itself I got inspired by some of the songs I listened to. So if at any point if you heard the song before then you might have an idea of what it's about but either way just thought I'd give y'all the heads up just in case. Also Fairy Tail isn't owned by me, obviously, and neither is the song Fake Love by BTS. Oh and sorry if the characters seem ooc as well. Buuuut either way enjoy!**_

_**Natsu's Pov**_

A cold chilly night in mid winter, snow slowly raining down covering the streets in a white coat. Winter break is almost over for all the students enjoying their time of freedom before descending back to the place they hate. Our laughter filled the air as she points suggesting a random thriftstore to look for an old movie we can both enjoy for the night. We were wandering around just smiling and laughing. She makes a silly joke about the horror movies coming out now, and how she feels like she's the protagonist struggling and somehow survives in the end.

I smiled lovingly at her but as she got further away from me to get a better look at the movie section I couldn't help but let my smile falter a bit as I watched her. She bent down to get a closer look at the bottom section and as I stared, her golden long blonde hair transforming into a short white pixie cut. Her voice changed from a smooth angelic humm to a delicate wind chime...her... voice filling the empty aisle.

One thought running through my mind, wishing that ... she... was here with me instead. Before my eyes her tiny voluptuous figure faded into a taller more delicate one, even her long winter dress and cozy leggings morphed into a tomboyish style sporting her boyish clothes carefree, not a care in the world if she was told she looked like a boy. She turned back to me and even her gentle smile and shining eyes changed to a more easy going smile and mischievous glint ready to have an adventure. God why didn't I choose to go to her instead. Why didn't I choose to be selfish instead of damming myself to a dream that I know can't ever come true. Eyes widening I realized what I thought.

No, Natsu you know better...

Stop thinking about her. She's not here, she left and you're here with Lucy! The one you should be in love with right now not still in love with...her. The girl who left you for someone else... The loving white haired, blue eyed girl who keeps haunting your dreams and even getting between the girl you SHOULD love. The one who has given everything to you.. The one you're supposed to protect and be there for. The one you've sworn to love and who's heart you've sworn to never break. The one you now call lover...

I gulp, a sudden sense of sorrow flowing through my veins. The painful thought of her smile breaking as tears flow down her doll like face just only brings grief into my heart. My heart and my whole being just hurts so bad that I know I need to at least pretend to be stronger than I am. My own dreams of being with another girl and even everything we could've experienced and even had a chance to enjoy just demolished by my own hope for being there for a friend.

A girl I've only ever considered a friend, hell more of a sister that I know loves me more than I could ever feel for her. I know that this love is fake and I know I shouldn't be such a bastard and lie to her this way. I don't even know who I am at this point sometimes but I really wish I did love her. She's my best friend of 7 years and has suffered enough and has a heart of gold. The same girl who leans on me and even tries to hide her sorrow with just a smile. Who puts everyone else's happiness before her own.

The light in my school, the pure hearted angel who refuses to look weak infront of everyone. I knew she hid away her pain when her mother died at the age of 5. She was a numb doll from when I met her at the age of 8. I always watched her with curious eyes, noticing she never showed any form of emotion except an empty smile with dull eyes. The eyes of a doll...she was a living doll. I found out more about her from rumors going around our school and even some parents that had recognized her. I remember seeing a lion boy starting fights in her honor. My curiosity got the best of me afterall I thought everything I heard were lies so one day after school I confronted her about it. She refused to tell me at first so I let it go, not wanting to push it any further but eventually after pushing for so long she opened up a bit and I found out her father was both physically and psychologically abusive to her. I couldn't believe something like that would happen.

'What kind of father would do that to their own child?' I would always think of back then and whenever I saw her I only saw a fragile girl sitting next to me that seemed way more pure than she should've been. She would always mention that she wished her father was the same father she had grown up to love before her mother's death. She told me that he has sent her off to live in a separate home from him so he wouldn't have to look at her and see the resemblance of Luce and her mother at the mere age of 10. To be watched after by one of her butler's that was the same age as her. His name was Loke and he was the only person closest to home that she could call family. Whenever Lucy would seem to want to be alone he'd be by her side and just be her shield whenever I wasn't able to. But shockingly she never blamed her father, she'd always smiled and told me hopefully soon they'd be a family again.

I never understood how she easily forgave him for what he put her through and once i told her what I thought about it and she refused to accept it. So I never mentioned it again.

Then five years later I remember she looked excited when her phone lit up but saddened when it ended and no one answered when she called back. Then by fourth period before we were dismissed an older man came into our classrooms in freshman year had begged Lucy to come to the hospital that her father was going to die soon. The soul shattering look she had when she walked into the cafeteria as if she saw a ghost was the first time Luce ever really showed her pain in front of everyone. Before then she would always fake her smiles even when anyone who had grown to know the real Lucy knew she was suffering. Everyone else thought the star of the school was fine, the perfect straight A student who never got into any form of trouble and always carried a carefree attitude and graceful stride in her step had finally broken.

All at once all of her walls she forced up just broke down with just one sentence, she let the tears fall. She struggled to hold back her sanity and I rushed over to her with Loke in an instant and blocked any curious eyes that looked her way and she hid her head and screamed out a blood curdling whail. Loke gave us an opportunity to get away and I had carried her bridal style out of the cafeteria to the student parking lot.

At that point she didn't give a damn anymore and seeing her call out for her father and begging that it wasn't true that she was always dammed to existence, screaming out that she thought that life was against her and that she had nothing no...no one else to live for that she could hope to come home to was...heartbreaking. I remember feeling a stinging dull pain in my chest driving Luce to the hospital, tears streaming down her face as her light looked like it was ready to die out any second on the way. The look of a mask of a doll crying just made me frustrated.

I remember trying to find the words to say, struggling to even get a simple syllable out and just wishing she didn't have to endure this. I was the first one from all our friends she ever told about her family and why she had lived alone. She trusted me and even held a smile when she answered me as if it weren't a big deal for all her pain she felt.

I remember getting exasperated and told her she shouldn't have to deal with that and...she just stared at me with an impassive look for a split second before she put an unnaturally real smile and told me it was fate that she had to suffer. That she knew that everything would settle itself one day and she didn't like to think too much of her own life, but rather always saw it kinda like a movie.

That memory struck me when we arrived at the hospital and before I even knew it she ran out of my car and rushed to find her father's room. When I had caught up and dashed down the hallway I could already hear her wailing and when I had reached the room I found her sobbing at his side. He was still hanging on, probably hoping he'd have the chance to see his daughter before he passed.

The room itself had smelled of death, his steady beats sounding weaker by the minute with only the monitor proving it. His fire running out, his skin pale and his eyes losing shine. Luce leaning over his bed gripping his hand trying to repeat reassuring things to him as he smiled with a tear stained face of his own.

"You're going to be okay daddy. You'll be up and walking soon. You just need to stay strong..Please" she shudders out as she stared into his eyes seeing for herself that his time was almost up but refusing to want it end that way. Trying to grasp for any hope she could grab but knowing better than to wish upon a vain wish. I frowned heavily and glanced back over to him, even after all he'd done to her she still loved him and refused to leave his side.

He lifted his weak hand up to cup her tear coated cheek and apologized for what he had put her through all the years knowing he didn't have long. She tried to tell him otherwise but he smiled sadly at her and shook his head. He told her he felt horrible for ruining their relationship and selfishly ignored her for years. That even with his wife's death he should've been a better father to her but instead he became a bastard and left her to fend for herself and feel like she wasn't loved. He knew he messed up but he felt that their bond was shattered through his selfish act. Thinking the only thing he could have done was give her time and send her off and hopefully one day they could've started over. As soon as he found out he didn't have long to live he wanted to call his beloved daughter but feared she hated him and couldn't bring himself to even call and tell her.

He thought if he couldn't even call his daughter and apologize then he couldn't even try and tell her he was knocking at death's door without it seeming like he wanted something out of her.

She kept telling him she didn't care anymore and that she loves him. Begging him that he has to survive and couldn't leave her, that he was the last remaining family that she had left. She profusely kept apologizing saying she should've made the first step to call him, that if she had then they wouldn't have been suffering the way they had. That if she had tried that maybe things wouldn't be the way they were. That if she wasn't so scared to be turned away from him again and tried, that she would've had a father, but she didn't want to lose him a second time.

He then registered that I was in the room as well and asked who I was. I told him and he looked between his daughter and I and smiled lovingly. He told me he's heard of me from Loke and how he would tell him about all her friends that she had made and that he felt that there was a connection between them and he was thankful that I was by her side for all those years that he wasn't. He gave me a serious but determined look and asked me to take care of her and keep her from harm's way. To be the man in her life she had needed and give her all that he couldn't. I smiled sadly at him and told him that I'd do my best and he could count on me.

That was the last day I spoke and saw him. The next day when I went back to the hospital to check on Luce and her father I had found out he passed away that night with a smile on his face. Luce was the last person he saw before he passed. Luce refused to get off the bed as she mourned for him. The doctors and nurses just let her be, they felt sorry for the girl and couldn't bring themselves to pull her away yet.

Then the following week was his funeral. Lucy was completely broken after that and didn't care that she showed it. She refused to leave her apartment after that and just built up her walls all over again, refusing to look weak in front of anyone. She played a performance for everyone so they wouldn't pity her anymore than they had already, but I knew then she would cry every night and cling to a picture of her parents every night. It broke me whenever I saw her and I knew I had to be the one she could hold onto till she felt better.

One night a few weeks after though I found her unconscious with an empty bottle of pills by her in her bathroom when I came to bring over some leftovers from my family's dinner that night.

I thought that I had lost her. I cradled her as I called for help and refused to leave her side as she was carried out on a gurney or even in the ambulance on our way to the hospital. I prayed to god begging her not to die. Begging that my Luce didn't die that she had to stay by my side for years.

That I couldn't lose her and I had promised her father I would look out for her and not let anything happen to her. I was supposed to be her shield! Yet I had already done a lousy job at it, but I had begged and begged for forgiveness from her father as well and wished he somehow, by a miracle would help save her. To stop her from being able to pass the gates into heaven, that her mother and father had convinced her otherwise. That they would tell her that she still had so much to live for and she couldn't just throw that all away. That she couldn't just leave all her friend's and me behind. That if she was gone nothing would be the same, that she meant the world to everyone and she couldn't just leave us all here with our only light that had brought us all together to just fade away.

It felt like days passed, I refused to sleep. I couldn't, my best friend on the brink of death. I waited by her bedside, grasping for dear life of her delicate but lifeless hand hoping somehow she'd wake up. They had pumped her stomach to remove all the pills, but now it was up to her to decide to wake up.

Day by day everyone brought her flowers and offerings as they also hoped she would somehow survive this. She just had to we all thought. She was in a comatose state and I would try to talk to her and begged her to wake up, that we were all waiting for her to wake up. Another week had passed and I had almost given up hope as I had held her limp body against mine.

Then a miracle happened and I had woken up, feeling a slight shift and small groan from the cold body next to mine. Her glossed over eyes slowly taking the room in and then landed on me as I cried tears of joy. I was so happy, I had thanked god and Luce's father and mother for this miracle. I held her as she stared at me confused to what was going on.

I held her tighter and demanded she never do that again. That she couldn't leave her friends or even me behind. That I loved her and I would be shattered if she were to die. She apologized for the trouble that she had caused and I shut her up with a kiss. At that moment I had already known that I sealed my fate away, that I wouldn't let her leave me again.

Even if I had my eyes set on another I threw it away and gave myself to her. Her world was in my hands now. I was her puppet that when she was ready she could just throw away. We became a couple and I stayed by her side, the only one she's ever really cried and broke in front of. The one who would hold her tight and made her as happy as can be. I didn't know why I thought I could do this and ignore my true feelings, but I did. I already dug myself too deep and regardless of that I felt a burning ache in my heart. I knew I couldn't leave her alone and had to be her strength and be her dream.

A few weeks later I found out one of my old childhood friends, the love of my life Lisanna Strauss was dating Bixslow and my heart crumbled at the news. I faked happiness when they had told me but I felt selfish for a moment. I had loved Lisanna and I couldn't bare the thought of her being taken away. I had almost burned the image I had made for Lucy in that instant. I had almost wished I never begged for her to survive, but I knew that wasn't true.

I was glad, no, happy that she survived and thought to myself that I was being selfish for loving Lisanna and not Lucy. Not the girl who I am currently with. The one I know I'm with because I love her. For her I'd pretend I was happy, brush away my sorrow. For her I'd numb the pain and become the strength she needs and the man she could depend on. I want to be the best one she can have. Her happiness is all that matters to me but I'm slowly feeling myself looking at an illusion I created for her. I couldn't even stand to look at myself in the mirror to see the person that I had become for her. The new person that I couldn't stand.

There were moments that I felt like she started to slowly notice this. Lucy isn't stupid but I can see it in her eyes that she knows. The pain more evident by how much distance or lack of air between us. Both suffocating in a fading image. But it had already been almost two years that we were together and I didn't know if either of us were willing to end it just yet.

"Natsu, hey what's wrong?" coming out of my dream state I remember where I currently was and who I was with. "You okay silly?" Lucy's voice registers more and shakes me out of the trance I was in. "Look I know that Dracula is overrated, but the story is such a classic and Dracula Untold is an amazing watch. So do you think you can give it a try this time? For me?" she pouts her lips.

I smile and let out a sure as she squeels out in joy. I can't help but laugh at her silliness and we make our way to the front to purchase the movie. Slowly bringing my gaze back up to her I take in her features. Lucy has gotten more beautiful over the years. Her golden hair now reaching her waist and her honey brown eyes more expressive than they used to be. Her skin glowing and her smile more mesmerizing, leaving a usual infectious effect to it. Except the closer you look at her you can tell she hasn't gotten enough sleep in the last few days and the smile on her face feels more forced than usual.

"Hey have you gotten enough sleep lately?" I ruffled her hair as I scolded her. Others might see it as me being a loving boyfriend, but I just felt like an older brother looking out for his sister.

She sticks out her tongue in a joking matter and chimes out "you got me. But to be fair my next door neighbor has been having guests over and one of them is so loud that you can hear him through the wall after they have band practice!"

"Well will you try to at least get more sleep in then and if they're being too loud do you want me to go talk to them?" I grunt out not liking the fact that that's the reason as to why she hasn't been sleeping much as of late. Man have I just been a heavy sleeper that I haven't noticed this?

"No it's fine Natsu if anything I'll just try to sleep earlier and see if that helps." she finishes off the conversation as she sets down the movies. I roll my eyes at her attitude towards the situation but just let it go. As I walked over to the cashier at hand I'm just watching Luce as she walks over to me with a smile.

"Will that be all to your purchase today-Natsu? Lucy? Hey! It's been a while since I've seen you guys!" a wind chime like voice catches my attention. I stilled my actions and can feel my heart skip a beat as my eyes widen to the realization as to who our cashier had been, Lisanna... Shit. Of all the times we had to meet her we meet her now. God it feels like it had been ages since I last saw her. Her sky-blue eyes shining as bright and mischievous as ever and her smile just as carefree as I saw it last. She grew out her hair a bit and it almost reached her shoulders. god, she looks as beautiful, hell even more than before.

"Hey Lis, it has been a while hasn't it. I feel like we haven't hung out in ages" Lucy excitedly tries to catch up with Lisanna. "So how have Bixslow and you been? We still need to have a double date that we talked about last year"

Lisanna's smile falters and she explains "Yeah about that...we've broken up a few weeks ago," she smiles sadly at us "... We lost our spark." My eyes snapping from my wallet faster than ever at the news. When her eyes met mine my heart fluttered a bit.

What?

"Oh, I'm so sorry about that...Do you want to have a girls night soon? I can invite all the girls and we can hang out and cheer you up if you'd like?" Lucy says comfortingly.

Lisanna smiles and nods her head with a bit more enthusiasm. "Yeah, I'd love that actually."

My fists clench slightly, Lisanna and Bix are no longer together. That means I still have a chance with her, but... I look at Lucy who turns to me ready to leave. We say our goodbyes to Lisanna and head out hopping into my car. Recovering I continue the night with Luce trying to keep my mind away from Lisanna. I NEED to stop thinking about her anymore. I NEED to make this love with Lucy perfect and make sure I let the love for Lisanna fade away.

Reaching out I grab Lucy's hand and pull it to my lips and gently lay a kiss "I love you Luce." she turns to me and smiles back.

"I love you too Natsu."

I knew I grew a flower that could never bloom, but I'll make a pretty little lie up for me to say I love her too. I need to be the puppet she can use even if I feel like I'm fading away.

I'm so sick of this fake love...

"Why do you look so sad?" I glance over to Luce as I drive. 'I don't know what to do' I tell myself as I try to feign a smile and laugh.

"Nothing's wrong. I just love you Luce. I'm just shocked at how long we've been together and still going on strong and I'm happy is all." I strain a chuckle out.

All I'm left with is dead silence. Both of us knew I was thickening air around us feeling heavier than ever. I can't let her know, I've given up on my own happiness for Luce and I have to make it more believable. I park in her driveway and turn to her. I reach out to grab her hand and she pulls it away from reach.

What? "Lucy...what's wrong...?" I silently let out. 'C'mon Luce, why aren't you looking at me? Please answer me. Please don't see through me…' I begged to myself.

"Natsu...you seem different. You don't seem like the same man I fell in love with lately. I don't know if I've done anything wrong, but please tell me..." she whispers out.

I let out a strained laugh "C'mon Luce, no I haven't. If anything the thought of school comin' up next week is just nerve wracking is all. Look at me Luce I'm the same Natsu you've known since elementary." I try to reach for her face to get her to look at me. She slaps my hand away and is shaking. Shocked I look down at my hand and then look back to find Lucy's glossy eyes looking back at me, hurt fully displayed as she struggles to hold back her tears.

"Natsu...stop lying to me...please...you've been becoming more and more of a stranger to me lately Natsu. You don't look like you're happy or," she cries out with a hiccup "...even in love..." the words seemed broken in her cry.

My heart raced rapidly "What are you talking about Lucy?!" My mind is crying out, I've been trying to become someone who you'd love, not someone that you hate. So please believe my lie Lucy, I know this is a way out I can use but I can't seem to let go of it just yet. I'm torn between keeping this lie going on or just breaking free, but I can't seem to leave it just yet. "I love you Lucy, I love you so bad it hurts. Look into my eyes Luce, trust me. I love you so so bad." But I don't and I just keep this lie running along.

I feel like I'm addicted to this fake love.


	2. Chapter 2: Lovely

_**A/N: **__**The song for this is Lovely by Billie Eilish . So honestly this chapter took me a while to finish because I had too many ideas to put into it but at the same time I wanted it to be more on the eerie end for Lucy's side. And this song spoke to me and I was able to put it into perspective and the words just flowed out of me. If that makes sense? Welp, anyways, hope you guys enjoy!**_

_**Lucy's POV**_

It's funny really, really laughable actually. The way life played out for me. It's a joke. No matter how I feel like I'm getting better or even making my life more bearable and living by my mother's ideologies. I can't ever seem to reach nirvana but rather keep being placed in front of Pandora's box and keep making the same mistake by taking a look inside for a different outcome even though I know better.

I always thought maybe just maybe if I think 'it'll get better and just hold it out for longer Lucy' things will go for the better. Life makes itself known and just smacks me down in the dirt to remind me of my place in this world. The thought of it could get better always brought hope even though it never showed with how my life played out. Everytime I thought I could make a change in the outcome or somehow end it all well it never goes my way. I know that life will never abide by your rules but I wish it'd just give me a moment of peace. Everything feels against me and not in the teenage angst kind of way, but no matter what I always end up in the same spot like nothing ever changed.

Like a broken cycle that can never be fixed.

I love everyone in my life but no matter what everyone feels like they have to protect me as if I'm a precious jewel ready to break. And even though I feel like I'm breaking all the time it's like I never get a chance to breathe. I know it's wrong to think so lowly of everyone for caring or even thinking this way.

I consider them my family and reason to go on but I can't help it. If not for them then mama, but even then I always feel like a burden or like they're only doing things for them to consciously feel better rather than they genuinely care for my well being. I feel like I'm being torn apart and I can't stop the thoughts from entering my mind even when I know it's not true. Even now it feels as though if I don't do as they say or go down the path that they paved for me I feel like I disappoint them in some shape or form.

Everyone always holds me up to this pedestal that I'm some light of the town or school like if my light goes out then they'll all be locked into darkness. If I'm not happy they can never be happy and I don't want to be the reason for their darkness. But what they haven't been able to see from all my lies is that that light was always a hologram, always fake. That I force myself to be happy or even seem like I'm fine for their own well being.

Like the man I currently am deeply in love with, Natsu. I know I let Natsu in, well more of he barged in uninvited, but even if he knows me the best. Better than anyone else I've known I still manage to fake a persona in front of him so he doesn't see the true damage, the scars left behind. I know if I hurt him I wouldn't be able to continue on, but even then I can't help but wish things were never this way. That I would turn my once pure personality to one of fraud.

My...My mother dying from an early age was the start of the downward spiral of my life. My inspiration, my star… I remember clear as day that was the step that caused the endless staircase down to darkness, the shove needed to start the fall. Standing over her casket as they lowered her down into the earth made me wish we could've switched spots.

Why did it have to be my mother? Horrible thought to have as I would never wish this on anyone else, but why my mother? She was a saint, a true angel sent from heaven. Her dazzling smile, her angelic voice when she spoke or hummed a bitter sweet melody. The sweet tune of a now broken string that could never be fixed. Her warm touch that now feels like a faint whisper fading away. Her beautiful mind and view of life always brought a light that could shine any room no matter how dark or dim it may have been.

It was all gone.

And I'll never be able to feel or see it again. It not only darkened my light but also my only other hope at the time, my father. The constant hatred looming off my father even though I couldn't blame him really. Even I thought I was the cause of my mother's death. The constant venom spewed from my once loving father took a toll on my outlook on life. I remember the first time he even laid hands on me. It was a shock to say the least and it got worse as it went on. I even wished at one point it was my father who was under ground instead. A thought I regret.

The only hope I had left was leaving me behind on my own to fend for myself and physically harming me. It hurt so much and sometimes he'd leave me bloody and broken crying on the cold wood floor. He'd later sent a maid to take care of me and she'd always tell me that father didn't mean to do it and that he loved me, but at times she didn't seem to believe it after a while. It felt like he hated me more than anything, but once in a while I'd see regret in his eyes or him wavering and that's when he'd hit me. Trying to pour all his emotions into me as if he tried to get me to understand and after a while I couldn't stop the thoughts when I would limp out of his office as he mournfully cried as if he assumed I left.

Crying out that he was sorry and the cycle continued and that's when I realized I couldn't blame him. I shouldn't blame others who were suffering just the same as I did for something out of our control.

I understood how he felt and hoped maybe it'll take steps even if it was slow maybe he'll turn my way and maybe eventually no matter how long, he could be the same father I grew up knowing before any of this had happened. Hell even a more loving father in general knowing we had to stick together to make it through this. And I'd willingly wait for him as long as possible.

The toll it gave me followed me to school. I couldn't so much as look at my peers hoping they understood. And for a while it seemed like they did and I was grateful. Well at least I thought they did. My friends in school all seemed to care but once I turned my back their haunting whispers would make me freeze. I would overhear them all talk about how I became a nuisance when I wasn't laughing. That it's been long enough and I should be the same old lucky Lucy that I was. Little did they know it caused more pain, but I tried to understand and wouldn't hold it against them.

Hell even my teachers thought I was causing trouble for the class now that my light dimmed. For a while their whispers would haunt the halls, the gossip of town about my family as if they were the ones in my shoes. Ha, if they only knew the real burden of this family name and what I had to struggle through at home. The more it went on the more I slowly stopped talking. I couldn't find my voice to try to speak to anyone anymore.

I slowly merged with the darkness as its shadow. I couldn't and wouldn't blame anyone but myself for this. When I did speak it felt so hollow, my once shining honey brown eyes dimmed to that of the hollow dirt off the ground. Empty pools of mud never ending. My smile that I once felt so proud to have because it reminded me of my mother brought sadness, emptiness in its wake. Nothing shone anymore, I even wanted to shave off all my hair and at some point cut it short because I couldn't stand the golden blonde that looked back at me. It brought the chilling reminder of who I once was and once was of my mother. I couldn't look at myself the same and didn't even blame my father for not looking at me either. I was just a horrible reminder.

All the years that passed by filled with pain and sorrow till I met Natsu. He was a nuisance at first and I remember avoiding any conversation with him and slowly we did begin to talk and I confided in him about everything that was going wrong. I eventually got thrown out of the place I once considered as my home and luckily my maid Ms. Spetto found a place for me to live. Though I didn't feel lucky I was still grateful. And thankfully I had Natsu as well to push me through it all. I lived right by my mother's closest friends who even though they made me feel welcomed I couldn't help but feel hollow from what my father could be thinking at this very moment. I knew he was hurting and I didn't even bother caring about my own feelings for the longest time but rather his, after all he grew to know her.

Yes she was my light, my mother and my star...but even then I barely got to know her. All I remember about her was the comforting hugs, her views on life and her everlasting love for me. Even though it pained me dearly I swore to myself I would grow up to be exactly like my mother from then on and even try to make a better life for myself. Or at least try. .

I even remember Loke always running to my side and calling me 'princess' and following me like a loyal puppy. And when things got hard he would be by my side. He was my shield, my knight in shining armor. My lion. He would even try to fight whoever talked about my family situation and tried to stop all rumors. I tried to stop him after a while because it wasn't their fault but my lion never listened. He was hurt that I let it go on like it was air and never tried to stop it. He never thought it was fair and hated people talking badly about me. He was always so damn protective, but it always brought a faint smile to my face.

Then I remember the start of highschool. I felt somewhat like myself again and even had a lot of friends and felt like life was moving that fateful day it felt off but I didn't worry to much about it because I wanted to make my father proud that even though we're not together I was doing well in school and trying to prove he didn't need to worry for me. And when my father just suddenly called me out of the blue, I didn't understand but I was excited.

Maybe he wanted to talk to me again and see how I was doing. Maybe he wanted to rekindle our lost relationship. I was so excited and happy but before I could answer the call it had ended and I tried calling him back but no response. My heart hurt. Next thing I know I saw one of my father's butlers inside my fourth classroom of the day. Ten minutes before class was about to end and I didn't understand why but the look on his face left me with unease. The next words to follow made my stomach drop.

I couldn't fathom what was going on and I wandered into the cafeteria at lunch. I couldn't think. I wanted to leave but I couldn't. Something deep inside me was stopping me and I didn't understand why. I couldn't stop the tears from falling and I didn't even know what was going on anymore. Everything from there turned into a haze until I heard their whispers. No not again. No they won't see me break not again. I tried to force myself to hold back telling myself not to break, they couldn't see. But their voices became louder and I couldn't force them out. I fell to my knees shaking my head to get rid of them. To make them stop. But they wouldn't they curled around me, suffocating me and without knowing I whimpered out Loke's and Natsu's name.

Begging for my lion and my dragon to come save me. To make it stop. Like magic they were blocking everyone around us and my mind went blank. I couldn't hear my name being called or feel their warmth. I felt cold. I felt something lifting me and I looked up to find Natsu carrying me bridal style out into the parking lot and I couldn't hold the pain anymore and felt myself shatter once again and called for my father. I didn't want it to be true. He couldn't. The thoughts of the call came into mind and I couldn't force it out. What did he want to tell me on that call? Was he calling for help? Why didn't I answer fast enough! Dammit! It's my fault and I knew it. I should've answered faster. I should've tried to contact my father sooner instead of waiting for him to call me.

Why was I so selfish?

Before I knew it, I saw the hospital and rushed to my father's side. I didn't even hear my name being called out, my only priority was my father. When I came stumbling into his room he gave me the warmest smile I had longed for from him for years. I ran to him. I ran and I hugged him crying out and begging it wasn't true. He looked like his time was almost ready. His once warm brown eyes now sunken in and his cheeks hollow. He looked like a skeleton. He didn't look like my father anymore and I clenched his hand hoping and praying to some god out there to please help my father. To save him and take me instead. I couldn't remember everything else but my father.

I wouldn't leave his side. My lifeline was being cut and there was no saving it. Then the time finally came and he gave his last words to me. I couldn't take it. It couldn't have ended this way and before I could even tell him that I still loved him one more time so he knew, his heart monitor slowed down and then screeched. That horrifying sound shattered what I prayed wouldn't be true. Then days went to weeks and I couldn't hold the pain.

I refused to go outside and when I was forced to- I couldn't avoid the faces, the knowing stares. They tormented me and I felt every promise I made to myself began to crumble. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to end this misery and see my parents again and be reunited as a family. I was the last of the bloodline left. I only thought of the smiling faces of my beloved parents and decided to finalize what I needed to do. I dressed my best and finished my makeup. Glancing one last time at myself I bitterly smiled and looked down. The sleeping pills I was given were the only thing I could focus on. I downed the bottle crying and whispering I would see them soon.

Everything started to fade and I faintly heard a voice in the distance but I refused to listen to it. I walked a dark empty path until I saw the light. I ran as fast as my feet could take me, I ran for what felt like hours not giving up. I needed to see them. I needed to hear them. My feet felt like they were sinking into the darkness but I couldn't give up. Momma and papa were waiting for me and I needed to be with them. I eventually got closer and closer to the shining light and I smiled. I felt a pull and the path under me began to waver, I started to sink, but I refused to let it. I refused to let myself sink, looking back at my parents I smiled and crawled to them as I struggled to stay above the darkness. Distinct voices all turning into white noise. All I saw was my mother and father and I had to reach them. I needed to reach them. I rejoiced in the chance to see them again and with a shaking hand, I reached out and barely grazed them before they pulled back. They smiled regretfully, shaking their heads and told me this wasn't my time.

They turned away and left me behind again.

I yelled out for them begging them to take me with them. But all I got was their final goodbyes as they told me how much they loved me and to keep living for them before they faded away. I felt myself falling away from the light into the dark abyss. Away from my father and mother only to be met by another set of blinding lights. Blinking slowly I struggled keeping my eyes open. Hollowness filled me again as a silent tear fell from my eye.

I felt a shift on the...bed? I felt sick. I felt weak beyond belief but I didn't seem to give a damn. My father and mother were nowhere in sight. I saw a fuzz of pink in front of me that suddenly attacked me. Realization set in and I knew that pink hair from anywhere.

Natsu.

He was crying and the guilt hit me. That's right. I almost left him behind as well. It hurt to see that I was the reason to cause him to end up in the state he was in. He looked like he lost a couple of pounds and was lacking sleep. God, why do I keep doing things like this to the people closest to me… I apologized profusely and let my own set of tears fall. Man I am the worst and here I was being selfish again even to the only person that I started to harbor feelings for. And yet he...he kissed me.

I was shocked to the least, was he trying to show some form of his love for our friendship this way? But the next words that fell from his mouth brought some form of spark back and I felt the weight of the world slightly lift and the pain for causing this to hit me more. He loves me? Me? A selfish girl who left her mother's glimmering ideals for a selfish act.

Maybe my life was looking up again, though I still held doubt, but that doubt was washed away as weeks turned into months to even years and I finally started to see the lighter things in life again. Though in the shadows I knew the truth was waiting to come out, but I didn't let it. Even when I could see the light in his eyes seem to slowly diminish. The longing looks he would send her way, always thinking I never saw. It hurt, knowing the only person that was keeping me grounded was wavering. Ha, it's quite sad with his questioning stares that had thought I wouldn't find out. Sadly I knew we've both gone in too deep to let go, yet I couldn't stop the tears from falling from time to time.

I still loved him.

Yet my foolishness kept wavering and hoping this whole relationship was a lie. Even when I caught the hopeful glint in his eyes when we found Lisanna at the store and he found out her and Bix were no longer an item. I turned away hoping it didn't show on my face. And when I asked her for a girls night and the happiness that that brought to her I couldn't help but feel the green envy stir up in the back of my was one of my closest friends as well, so beautiful and heart just far more pure than I longed I had.

When we left and were back in his car, I felt the shift in atmosphere again. And when he said those poisonous words I couldn't help but longingly say it back. I felt the spread of warmth comfort me but when I had looked back I saw the all knowing look he wore when he was lost in thought. I couldn't help but ask what was wrong and he tried to feign ignorance. And for some reason I couldn't hold back the pain anymore, the distance growing between us and when he reached for my hand I snapped. I felt myself becoming more and more numb as the conversation continued on and when I finally looked at him I knew it showed. The unspoken tears were already dripping down as we locked eyes.

My walls finally crumbled and I couldn't hold back the words that were being held back. "I know you're lying Natsu," quietly chuckling, "I can't believe you-you'd think that I wouldn't know after all this time, that you…" I stuttered and felt the overwhelming burn hitting my heart. "Y-you would lie to me. Lie about your feelings! Lie about that look, the look that I craved for you to give to me." Stop. I wanted to stop the words but they kept flowing out, "the look of longing and...l-l-love...tha-that same longing you would give to...to her...to L-Lis-Lisanna!" I scream out. I was trembling, my airways feeling ready to lock as I forced my way through it. Forcing my pain out, forcing what I never wanted to say. My words broke free even though my heart and body tried to stop it. "Just stop it."

Were those words for him? Or for me.

I could see his confliction from being caught in a lie and at how much and long I knew. The pain in my heart is all too familiar. He tried to force something out but raising my hand I stopped him. "Isn't it lovely? I'm all alone. This lie is tearing me to pieces, to the skin and through the bone." Chucking lightly at my word play "I can't help but laugh cause-cause this feels too familiar. Like it's my home. Like no matter how much I think I can get out I feel like I'm just stuck and yet I can't seem to get out of this. And you," Glancing up at his horrified face I smiled hauntingly "you've broken me the most." Hysterically laughing as tears continue to slither down my face I leave his car and begin to walk away to who knows where. I couldn't stay here anymore. I need to breathe and calm down. His warm yet chilling arms wrap around me, freezing me in my tracks.

"I'm so sorry Lucy! P-please you can't just leave!" his skin was burning. "Please let's talk about this! I'm sorry I lied, okay? Please just don't go...not again.." he whimpers but I can't stop.

My body moving on its own turned, my mouth screaming "don't touch me" and a loud smack echoed the empty streets of the night. Shock evident on both of our faces as my trembling hand reached out but pulls away as all I knew I couldn't fix this. He couldn't fix this.

My body screamed to run, so I did. I needed to get as far away from this as possible right now. Running as fast as my body could as tears ran down my face, my name being faintly called behind as I kept going. Refusing to look back because I knew I would stop and run back into his arms and beg to be forgiven and taken back. Breathing became harder and harder as my feet took me away. Images flashing by but the tears blocking any form of sight, until the all too familiar light blinded me. Turning to the source of the light I sadly smile and with a hoarse breath I whimper out "Mama? Papa?" and reach out. An unknown screech and blaring sounding out in the white noise.

"Look out!"


	3. Ch3:I'm Not A Vampire, I'm Misunderstood

_**A/N:**__** Hey guys! Sorry for the lag on this chapter. Had a little struggle with how I wanted it to go. I had the first part typed up but didn't know how to finish it up. I had so many ideas of what to do but couldn't figure out the direction I wanted it to head to. So I let my fingers and mind do the work and fixed what I thought wouldn't work and what would. I also wanted to have this chapter on a lighter end compared to the first two chapters and I hope I conveyed what was in my mind properly. Also Rogue might be a bit oc but I still tried to keep it closer to how I see him? But either way here it is! Let me know whatcha think! Also sorry ahead of time for any spelling mistakes or errors. This chapter had two songs come to mind: I'm Not A Vampire by Falling In Reverse and I'm Missunderstood by New Years Day.**_

_**Rogue POV**_

All the passing whispers echoing off the walls of the crowded hallways. The pointing of fingers, sneers and laughter all coming across the same statement all at one point.

Murderer.

The word brought an uncomfortable turn inside of me as my feet lead me away. Anger wanted to rise but I forced it back down, like they would even understand anything that happened or even care to listen really. They only want something or someone to talk about. Gossip was always on the main chart for high schoolers activities and yet the topic of my past was always one topic that never faded away. Memories of the event always wanted to make their way through but the topic alone always tried to break an onslaught of emotions I never wanted. I never found comfort in talking about it or even talking to others at my school for the most part. Judgement was always clear in their eyes and if they didn't know and found out they'd all steer clear away with the same fear and hatred I've grown to carry. I only talked to a few people that I would even consider trustworthy at this point. Even then there's moments where I wish I could find someone to connect more to other than my long time brother and best friend Sting Eucliff.

But hell if they want to treat me as an outcast and well 'trouble' then I might as well have fun with it, right? Or at least try to bury it with distractions. Always have since the accident that happened years ago, but honestly, even though the memory still haunts me I never let it up. The soul shattering experience and emotions just became so much that I forced it behind closed doors to be locked away. Hell, even when I tried to explain to the few that I thought I could trust they'd refuse or accuse me of lying because so and so told them something else.

At this point I'm just considered a freak, and you know what? So what. It's just a pointless label that doesn't have as much of an affect on me anymore. At least that's what I tell myself. Even if I didn't I don't want to bother even trying to consider their words. I felt like a rope ready to snap any second and the only thing I found to control myself at least for a bit was drinking. And luckily Sting had followed through and brought some booze that he got out of his step-mothers house. Stored in his metal water bottle to cause less trouble.

Casually sitting by the stairs down the hall from the cafeteria taking nonchalant swigs out of our "flask" while awaiting for the rest of our friends who were currently grabbing lunch. Midconversation with Sting we both hear an agonizing whail echo down the halls.

"W-woah. Did ya hear that? Wonder what's goin' on down there?" curiosity lights up my friends' eyes but I can't help but shrug as I take another swig from the bottle. I was never one to care about drama or commotions like my friend who would light up at any form of news. Though currently in my buzzed state I found more interest in playing with a loose strand of fabric from my ripped jeans. Eventually getting bored with the wretched piece of string I decide to hand the bottle back over to Sting as a flash of pink and blonde force their way between us knocking out the dark precious contents onto the tile floor of the school.

Frowning, I angrly looked up realizing it was none other than Natsu Dragneel and felt the little red man inside me well up more. "Hey what the fu-" seeing a shaking form in his arms my eyes landed on a blonde who must've been the source of the cry from earlier. The rage almost immediately dies down and I ended up just letting them go. An all to familiar feeling trying to break through, but I shove it back as I turn back to the now almost empty bottle. Kneeling down I pick up the sticky flask and let out an aggravated sigh escape my pouty lips.

Later on rumors spread like a wildfire of what must've happened to the blonde and I felt a bit of guilt for her. I never knew much about her or even a proper name but nonetheless I felt guilty for what she must be feeling. It was never easy.

Time flew by and it had been two years since the incident and unconsciously my eyes would spot that blonde hair from time to time in the school hallways. Once it was in sight I would attempt to not look her way.

Sadly this is the last week of winter break, with that being said my happy ass along with my group of friends' happy asses got tickets to go see a concert we've all been dying to see. Dressed in my usual black ripped jeans, white t-shirt with a plaid red and black flannel tied around my waist and my usual buckled leather jacket and calf high black combat boots. I was currently at the Magnolia park drinking out of my 'King of Assholes' flask waiting for the arrival of my friends to head off to the venue.

The chilly air keeping me somewhat level headed, or I'd like to think so at least, as I saw a flash of pink and blonde pass by in a car from my peripheral. I didn't know why but I felt a little off today and it gave me unease. For what I had no idea. Looking down at my alcohol I took a soft sniff hoping it wasn't the drink itself but it didn't seem so. Shrugging it off I decided it wasn't too important and tried to enjoy the almost empty night. Taking another swig I hear the chitter chatter of my group coming and stand up, while dusting off any dirt that managed to get on me. I open the old creaky metal gate at the entrance of the park to head out. Giving a slight wave to one another we went off to the concert.

The buzzing, heart pounding sensation of the music being played was just what the doctor ordered and the night flew by like a cup of fresh air. Weird analogy probably, but it put away any ill lingering feelings trying to escape. To say the gig was amazing was an understatement of the century. So no way was I going to let anything ruin this great night.

Happily drunk at this point my group and I walk or well strut down the dark streets going nowhere in particular as the flashing lights of traffic fly by. The lame jokes and laughter filled the chilly air around us as my blonde male friend, Sting, rants on about how if anyone is a vampire it had to be my "pale ass."

"Well I mean think about it! Ogra shut the hell up and stop flirting with Minerva and let me finish!" said black haired demon interrupted him with a slap to the head, "ow what the fuck! Ogra control your woman! The damn demon is always trying to kill me!" We all burst out into another set of laughter as she chased him around and the green haired monster of a male. His own booming laugh echoes out that the blonde deserved it. "Look- ow, dammit let me finish!" Sting puffed out his cheeks in a teary pout. It was hard to take him seriously sometimes and especially now with a bright red handprint on his slightly tanned face. He wore a similar leather jacket to mine but in white, a grey tank top underneath, white ripped jeans tucked into dark grey calf high combat boots. His wild blonde hair a bit disheveled from the small brawl with Minerva or "she-devil" as he likes to call her behind her back.

Our beloved white haired angel, Yukino, dressed in light blue overall shorts, white fishnet stockings, thigh high warm socks tucked into light blue calf high combat boots, a white long sleeved crop top with the letters Thrasher in blue imprinted on it smiles at her goofy boyfriend. She walks over to her boyfriend and pats his back lightly trying to comfort him and convinces him to finish his train of thought.

"Thanks Yuki." he smiles lovingly before placing a soft gentle kiss on her ghostly cheek. Turning back to our group he continues on, "at least someone gives a damn, but as I was trying to say if anyone here could be a vampire my bet is on Rogue. The bastard not only hates the sunlight, sleeps all day and only is ready to come out at night, but he's pale as death and his eyes are red. If that doesn't scream 'look at me imma vamp!' then I don't know what does!" He triumphantly smiles and crosses his arms in a gloaty way.

Rolling my ruby eyes I dully state "well sorry to disappoint, but I'm not a vampire. Even if I was you'd be the first on my list to go." Everyone around laughs as I walk ahead of the group, from the corner of my eyes I could see Sting pout. Letting out my own chuckles I decide to add on "though I do have to say...my head is always shakin', body is always achin' and the dark is when I feed! I could lure any woman I want to in my bed" turning to Yukino smirking I grab hold of her hand placing a gentle kiss and wink "with me."

Sting's jaw slacks from my crude joke but growls out "someone grab the holy water to extinguish this beast!" Ogra cackling like a villain tosses Sting a bottle of whiskey. All too eagerly he shoves it against me as if it were garlic and of course playing along I feign weakness but snatch it away.

Gulping down the burning substance, enjoying the warmth spreading inside me and feeling the childish side of me come forth more I gently nudge Sting "mothers better lock your doors and hide your daughters!" Yukino and Minerva smack my back howling in laughter urging me to go on. "I'm insane! I can feel it in my bones" adding a little effect I start shaking "coursing through my veins, when did I become so cold!"

"Jesus Rogue! Where is your self control! My poor dear asshole of a best friend somehow turned insane! We need to get the demon home or his poor little dark heart will lose all hope!" Sting fake cries as he tries to shove me to add more of an effect causing us to finally let the laughter erupt out of all of us as we continue our banter with quoting the song in our own little way.

Shaking my head when the jokes turn more crude, I run a pale hand through my dark locks enjoying the chilly wind lick goosebumps on my skin. The moon settling itself high in the sky lighting up our way as I decide to pull out my cancer sticks and light one up. Afterall, I am an addict. Smirking at my joke I take a drag and drown out my friends for a bit, letting their voices whither away into hushed whispers. Taking a longer drag as I follow behind them I let my eyes wander the almost empty streets and ignore the wandering souls giving us glares muttering something about 'today's youth' or some crap like that. A glimpse of blonde caught my attention as I tried to turn away but a gust of wind blows the slight smell of salt in my direction.

Scrunching my nose and it's inhuman sensitivity, I realize something looked or smelled off? Staring at her running figure a bit longer as she got closer, I dangle my cigarette on my lips as I relax my arms behind my head. Thinking I might be over analyzing it too much and seeing it wasn't any of my business I start to turn away. My friends stopped a little distance away, realizing I stopped a while ago without warning and walked back over to me. Curiosity getting the better of them they look behind me.

Yukino realizing who it was decides to ask in a soft voice "isn't that Lucy?" Turning her attention to the rest of us the others nod as I look away. Inhaling more smoke from my cigarette I shrug and snatch the bottle away from Sting.

I take a gulp as Sting decides to speak up, "yeah why is blondie out so late?" We all give him a look at the nickname he gave her, realizing he was being stared at he starts getting a little annoyed. "What? Something on my face?"

Rolling my eyes I turned back to look at the girl as she continued to run. 'Wonder how long she's been running' I think to myself. Ogra runs a hand down his face and answers Sting "you do realize you're blonde too dingus."

Sting being offended by the comment yells out "no shit Sherlock, here want a reward?" sighing exasperatedly he continues on, "either way just look at her! Seriously she hasn't looked up since we noticed her runnin' and all I'm sayin' is that it's a bit weird, right?"

"Yeah it's a bit weird but more on the dangerous side." Minerva states. She was wearing a tight black dress, purple leggings in black ankle boots and wearing a fur leather coat as she crosses her arms watching the blonde. She crosses her arms in an annoyed composure, but worry evident in her eyes.

Feeling my stomach turn a bit I unconsciously take a step closer as I realize she was close to the stop light. "C'mon stop you idiot." I begin to mumble to myself as I take another step closer.

She doesn't stop and starts to run across the long street, dropping my now forgotten cigarette my body starts to run towards her. Hearing an all to familiar horn blaring, adrenaline hits me as I sprint off trying to reach her before the car. My lungs filled with air as I yelled out to her, hoping she somehow hears me and moves. Forcing my damn legs to go faster she jolts her head up as her teary honey brown eyes grew like saucers, the screeching of tires and the horn blaring off in the almost empty streets of the night. Shock and fear smothering her face as she slowly smiles and brings her arms up reaching out for the lights. I yelled one more time hoping to snap her out of it but she slowly closed her eyes as if she was accepting for it to happen.

Time felt like it slowed down, my lungs were burning and my legs acked from the force I tried to pull out. I reached out hoping, praying to someone or something out there to help me reach her. To stop this from happening. Shutting my eyes I took one last push and felt a cold breeze amplify as if four hands were shoving me to my goal. I managed to reach her tiny form, tackling her down as I held her closer and turned hoping to lessen the impact of the fall for her.

Skidding on the floor, time slowly resumes as I thought I heard faint whispers of thank yous, but the voices faded as I felt the searing pain from the force of impact. Trying to catch my labored breath I mutter out "fuck...that hurt." Letting out a big sigh I opened my eyes while lifting my head a little as I look over to the driver who's yelling profanities to us before driving off. I let my head fall back into the pavement as the adrenaline leaves me. My breathing starts to slow down a bit as I turn my attention to the small shaking figure in my arms. Footsteps heard in the distance but anger begins to boil inside me as I push the figure arms length away. Glaring harshly I yell out "what the fuck were you thinking?! Did you want to die! Are you some suicidal idiot! What the fuck is wrong with you!" Seething I watch the blonde beauty cry harder. "What kind of fucking idiot runs into the middle of the street without looking?!"

She jumps back into my arms, clutching onto my shirt for dear life as she apologizes profusely. Sighing I run a hand down my slightly sweaty face and frown. 'Damn maybe that was a bit harsh' I think to myself. Finally calmed down I slowly bring my arms around her and hesitantly rub her back trying to calm down the girl. Hearing my name being called I glance up at my friends standing in front of me berating me for running out into traffic and asking if I was injured. Shaking my head I unconsciously rest it on the crying girl in my arms. Pushing her back a bit once she calmed down she stares at me. Fear is still evident in her eyes. I decide to lift her up, placing my arm behind her back and the other under her legs I lift her. Seeming to get the drift she wraps her arms around my neck as I stand up.

A slight tingle burns on my back as I look back at my friends "look I'll see you guys later. I'm taking her home." Giving me dumb struck faces they nod as I walk away. Not really knowing where she lived I decided to go back to the park that's near by. The blonde was still crying in my arms but less hysterically when we arrived. Slowly placing her down on a nearby bench I plop down beside her. Glancing over I decide to pull out another cancer stick, lighting it and waiting for the feeling of relaxation to take control. Leaning back into the bench I wrap my unused arm behind it as she starts to calm down her tears. Placing the cig on my lips I pat down my jacket, finding what I was looking for I pull out flask and nudge her offering the metal container. Hesitantly she takes the flask and takes a sip. Her face contorts in disgust and I chuckle a bit, surprising us both I let out a fake cough.

"S-so...what exactly happened to cause a little miss fairy to disobey traffic laws?"

Letting out a weak laugh she starts tearing up again, shit. Feeling uncomfortable in the stiff silence I turn my gaze away and take a swig from the flask waiting for her to say something. Thinking she wasn't going to reply I opened my mouth to fill the silence when she muttered out "hey um…" getting what she was trying to say I told her my name. "R-rogue…am I damaged…" she whimpers silently.

Pausing from the odd question I take a chance and turn my gaze in her direction and take in her appearance. Her usual pale complexion was splotched with a pink tinge, her doe eyes glazed almost glassy with unfallen tears and her small pouty lips were shaking but trying to maintain a neutral line. She looked, well to put it bluntly pitiful. Turning my gaze back to the sky I mull over her question.

How am I supposed to answer that? I mean I don't really know the girl herself but that being said I know of her. With how fast talk or rumors really go around in our school, it's really hard to keep a straight thought on it. With how much Yukino praises her as well, it's really hard to even base a response on her question. Truth be it I don't really want to listen to others opinions without forming my own firsthand. Experience of being misunderstood really adds into it as well. Though I never really gave a damn if someone thought ill of me, well now at least, I never really tried to think too much of it. Frowning, there's no real easy way to say it. Truth or sugar coat it. And sugar coating was never something I liked either.

Placing my cigarette back to rest on my lip I rub my head while sighing "look, there's no real easy way to say it since I don't really know you, hell I only know of you or what everyone really says about you." Seeing her flinch in my peripheral I continue on "but how I see it you just look lost. Pampered? Huh…" questioning my wording I try to reiterate " is that even the right word? Uh maybe overindulged? N-no...hmm...overprotect-" She hiccups beside me. "Shit. N-no. That's not what I-" freaking out I could feel my fingers and lips twitching as I let out another groan and furiously scratch my head. Man if only Yukino was here she's better with this kind of stuff. Hell Sting could probably lighten the mood with his lame humor.

The faintest of giggling is heard as my head whips in her direction taking in the seen beside me. She's tearing up again but from the looks of it it isn't from what could've clouded her thoughts from earlier. Slightly dumbfounded and a bit offended I was going to speak out but I hear her soft apologies "s-so-sorry. I-It's just that was...pfft...s-sorry it's just you're kinda we-weird R-Ro-Rogue." Blushing from embarrassment I turn away feeling a slight pout wanting to form. "N-no! I d-don't mean it in a b-bad way. W-what I-I me-meant was. Oh hell...n-no I meant mm-ore, like, I didn't r-really expect that. It's the first someone's well" she pauses "unexpected. W-weird 'cause no one is, well, frank with me anymore."

A small amused smile forms on my face as I let out a slight chuckle. Taken back she just stares at me a small pout forming on her face before forming into what looked to be a genuine smile. Brightening up her eyes, giving her face a soft glow as the pink hues give her a more childish look. She stretches her arm out, extending her hand as she gives me more of a soft smile she lightly speaks "I don't think I've properly introduced myself. My name is Lucy and it's nice to meet you Rogue." She then mumbles "though under the circumstances probably not the best way to meet someone…"

Nodding my head in agreement I shake her hand "yeah you can say that again. Sorry by the way." She gives me a confused look and tilts her head in question and I continue on "about freaking out on you earlier. Well really yelling at you."

Shaking her head she holds up her hands in defence "no! No it's completely understandable, hell I probably would've done the same thing if I was in your position. To be honest…" Fidgeting with her sweater she turns away with a shaky breath. "T-this is gonna sound weird...especially since I don't really know you...but I don't know" shaking her head, "I feel like I...Well I could trust you. And for some reason you were there for a reason, you know?" Her hand clenches infront of her dress as she shuts her eyes tightly.

The air started to feel heavy between us and in all honestly it was kinda uncomfortable. Shifting slightly "look, I don't mind if you need a shoulder to lean on. Though I wouldn't really say I'm the best when it comes to it, but imma pretty good listener if it helps?" I offer to her, though the idea itself felt odd for me. Usually I only offer this to my friends at most but even then why was I offering to help her? Glancing over to her I felt the need to at least be there for her. She looked so...broken? Didn't help with the almost getting hit fiasco that happened either. Pulling out my phone I check the time, also noticing all the messages I got from Sting and Yukino as well. Frowning, I stand up and take another swig from my beloved drink and offer her my hand. "But I do gotta say it's pretty late out right now, so why don't I walk you home?" She turns her gaze back to me, slightly hesitant she nods and gives me a small smile. Taking my hand I pull her up and realize how small her hand was compared to my own. It felt so dainty and soft, but I let go and turned away ready when she was.

"Thanks...I'd really appreciate that Rogue." She pats away any dust that managed to get on her and begins to walk ahead. "I actually live pretty close by here." We head out the gate and head towards a familiar direction.

Letting her lead the way, we walk down the sidewalk with me closer to the road. The silence wasn't as akwardt this time before she decided to point out some stars lighting up the sky. With a small smile I figured out why Yukino got along with her. They basically had the same personality when it came to stars. Both their eyes would light up at the sight of them. Every now and then I can see in my peripheral that she trembled a bit or rubbed her arms. Raising a brow I removed my jacket and plopped it onto her shoulders as we continued to walk. Not noticing the small smile on her face as we continued on.

The walk to her place was fairly odd to be honest. It was the same direction as my own and when I asked what street she lived on I was surprised we lived on the same street. Even more so when I found out she was my next door neighbor. She was just as shocked as I was and swarmed me with questions ranging from when I moved in to if I had a band. It felt weird to apologize for all the ruckus my friends and I make whenever we played.

"To be fairly honest we don't really play for anything but for fun really. My...my dad was actually friends with Sting's dad when they were younger and they used to play around all the time. They even taught Sting and I to play when we were kids and well, it just stuck I guess." Shrugging nonchalantly it felt uncomfortable to even let out this bit of information to a stranger. I don't know why but she was an easy person to talk to. "Yet again sorry if we get too loud. Next time just let me know and we'll tone it down or something."

She seemed so fascinated at the information and just shook her head "no it's fine. I mean it's not fine at not being able to sleep sometimes but what you guys play sounds nice."

Nodding I felt compelled to ask her to come watch but decided against it. When we finally reached her steps I noticed she kept glancing around for some odd reason. "Hey you okay? You keep looking around like you're about to be ambushed any second now." Her eyes widened slightly but she shook her head. She took one last look around before she started to remove my jacket that I lent her.

"Thanks for everything Rogue. Sorry for looking like a spaz...I'm just...I don't know, I'll explain soon. It's just been a long night and I need to rest. Thank you again." For a split second I thought I saw her eyes water but she looked fine again.

Nodding, I said goodnight to her and began to walk away. Not really thinking too much of what she said I almost made it to my doorstep before I heard soft pounding on the floor. Turning around I raised my brow at a Lucy slumped over her knees trying to catch her breath. "S-s-sorry. I almost forgot to ask, b-bu-but, would it be okay if...if I got your n-nu-number?" Her cheeks were blazing red and part of me wanted to laugh at the sight but I felt a stirring inside me. Staring at her in bewilderment she raises her hands shaking them frantically, "y-you don't have to! It's fine t-to-to say no. I'm sorry...it w-was really dumb of me to a-ask." Mumbling the last part she begins to turn away, but before she reaches the doorstep I reach out for her hand pulling her back.

Chuckling softly at her shocked expression I shake my head lightly "no it's fine. Though it's weird of you to ask when we barely know each other." Pulling out my phone I hand it over to her as she begins to mumble on about how friendships start. She sends a message from my phone to hers and saves my number before raising it to take a quick picture of me. She smiles slightly showing off my contact info in her phone before turning away. I raised my brow at her but held a small smirk nonetheless. She was an odd one for sure.

Waving goodbye I watch as she heads into her home before heading off inside mine. After removing my jacket and shoes I walk deeper into my home. Hearing small footsteps followed by a soft meow I find my adorable little cat running between my legs. I smile affectionately before picking her up and rubbing her jaw. "Why hello Frosch have you been a good girl while daddy has been gone?" She meows all too happily before I set her down and grab her bowl to feed her.

Leaning on my counter I watch Frosch with a small smile, she was a tiny Scottish fold with a greyish green fur. She loved to wear frog outfits for some reason but nonetheless it made her look cuter. Smiling adoringly I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear loud banging on my door. Looking down at Frosch once more with a raised brow I mumble out "who in the bloody hell could that be…"

Walking over to the door the banging became insistent and it was getting really annoying. I yell out a hold on but the bloody bastard keeps banging away. Almost yanking the door open I rather harshly growl out "what!" My eyes slightly widened at the sight before me. "What the hell…?"


	4. Ch 4: I Need U, My Heart I Surrender

_**A/N: So in this chapter I wanted Lucy to finally take a step forward instead of staying stuck, and I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well. Also thank you for the reviews. I really appreciate them. So this chapter, the songs I chose are I Need U from BTS and My Heart I Surrender from I Prevail. Thank you for reading this story and I hope you guys like this chapter as well! Let me know what you think!**_

_**Lucy's POV**_

After I walked away from Rogue's place I felt at ease a bit. No, I wasn't fully feeling better but I did momentarily forget what happened with Natsu. Though I wanted to forget about the topic as much as possible...at least in front of Rogue. I don't want to burden him with anything that I'm feeling. I already feel embarrassed and ashamed about the whole scene that happened earlier. He was-well he was different than I ever imagined him to be. He was...kind. Hopefully we can be friend's someday and hell maybe I could learn a thing or two from him. Maybe?

Once I entered my home I leaned into my closed door, god a bath did sound nice right now. But… Either way I needed to be alone to figure out my whole mindset and how I feel. I don't want to make the same mistake as I did last time… Be stuck in a dark mindset. Oh who am I kidding it's all I've ever known. Lucky Lucy is just like Alice falling down the rabbit hole but for me it's a repeated cycle. One that I feel stuck in like a never ending loop. God! Why am I so pathetic? Running my hands through my hair I pull at some chunks as I start to curl into myself. I can't keep throwing pity parties for myself, but that's all I know. I don't want to be sad, I'm happy Lucy. Right? Right. Flashbacks started to lurk back into my mind, the happy times and...the bad. Like that night all over again before I attempted to…

No.

I can't go back to that place and even though I'm hurt by Natsu's actions I don't want to break the promise I made to him… I feel like an idiot. The thoughts from earlier almost brought me back. I let out a shaky breath at the memory. I'm so weak. Mama and papa wouldn't want me to be like this. If anything they'd be scolding me for being such a fool for my actions. Staring down at the floor, I can't help but let out a small smile. Yeah, they'd let me have it alright. At least...that's what I'd like to think would happen. Then again, how would I really know?

Drip. Drip. Splat.

Huh? Droplets were by my feet, bringing a hand to my face I realize I started crying again. My hands wrap around, covering my mouth as I slide down the door and let the tears take over again. God no matter what, I can't just have happy memories without the bad slipping in. Even when I try not to think about it. Dammit get a grip Lucy… Please, just drop the subject. Drop the fact that he let it go on for so long. Drop that he mad you be played like a fool. Wait… Was he the only one who did this? Did everyone else know about his lie?

I release a choked laugh. Was I just a ghost to him? A shadow that he refused to recognize? Is that why he'd give me that look? Like I was broken? I just followed him around with a blind eye and he never once thought of how it could affect me! No, no Lucy c'mon this is Natsu he wouldn't do that to you.

Then again...he did.

That's exactly what he did. I always thought of him and what my actions would lead to him. I never wanted to bring him my bad side. I always tried to never lie to him. Yet I know that's a lie considering I hid my horrible feelings from him. My tears, my shame and my downright self loath. But I've tried to fix myself. I've tried to convey how much he means to me and I still turned a blind eye. He's meant the world to me but did I ever mean the same for him? He probably never once saw me in that light? And that's what scares me the most. The fact that I broke everything for him and I gave every last breath every last love to him. But it was all one-sided.

A crash echoes down the halls shaking me out of my thoughts. What was that? Shaking I reach out into a basket I kept beside the door and grab my baseball bat hidden away. "Plue?" I called out for my white labrador hoping it was him wandering around. Turning on my hallway lights I call out to my pup again as I search the house finding him nowhere. Getting worried I hear a ruckus in my bedroom. Noticing the light on I fear for the worst "oh Plue...please be okay…" I swear to god if there's an intruder and he hurt my dog I don't care if I somehow go to jail but I'll murder him. Okay murder might be a strong word but I will show him a thing or two for messing with a Heartfillia! With that thought in mind I grip my bat prepared to battle and shove my door open. Letting out a battle cry that vikings would be proud of I hold my bat above my head ready to strike down until I find my pup lying in my bed, belly up and being rubbed down by...Natsu. Shock apparent on both of our faces I drop my bat, fear and sadness hitting me at once.

Why of all people I didn't want to see yet it had to be Natsu. The man that I always managed to get in my head was mine. How many times I stayed awake with happiness that left me with an empty feeling in my chest. Turning away slightly I whisper out "what...what are you doing here N-Natsu…" His eyes soften up at my closed off posture as he turns back to a whining Plue. Dammit Plue, now is not the time to be wanting attention!

He opens his mouth ready to speak but shuts it again mulling over what to say. Irritation and yearning to hear his reasoning runs through me. 'Please be what I want to hear' I think to myself. He sits there as he plays with his hands, a bad habit he's always had whenever he started to get nervous. It was always a cute little tic he had but now it was more of a nervewreck. Stomping my foot I yell out "dammit Natsu! Please! Just talk to me." My voice cracks and I'm ready to cry again "please...tell me why you're here. Or…" Damn my weak self for being such a crybaby, whimpering the words I didn't want to say I managed a "get out."

Looking up at me again I could see the hurt flash in his eyes, he let out a sigh and whispered out "I...I wanted to make sure you came back safe. Look Luce…" Taking in his appearance I notice the little scratches and dirt adorning his face and clothes. He looked like a wreck, his eyes were red and he looked pale which was odd for his tanned complexion. Yet he somehow managed to still take my heart away. "I'm sorry, just know I do love you, just not how… well - I'm glad you made it home safe, I'll leave now." He stands up preparing to leave, he gives Plue a goodbye and heads to the door right behind me. Patting my head he whispers out a quick "sorry again Luce."

My heart falls. Is that it? I could hear his footsteps echo as he walks down the hall. Every step hurt and it hurts more that that was all he wanted to tell me. He did all this and brought me all kinds of emotions, I ran out in tears and my thoughts still lingered on him and that's all he wanted to tell me? Anger courses through my veins as I let out "because of you I feel like I'm breaking. And I've been crying this whole time and I even almost got hit by a car and yet after everything I still thought of you and I hoped you had more to say." Tears slip again and I laugh out "are you serious Natsu? Do I really mean so little to you that I don't deserve an explanation?" I hear him stop in his tracks.

He turns around shocked "what? Luce no! I just thought you'd rather talk about this later. Of course you mean so much to me!" Rushing back he reaches out for my shoulder but stops and drops his hand. "Please, please Luce you gotta understand I didn't mean to hurt you…"

"I can't take this anymore." I mumble out, "I'm so done with this. You never had me in mind. You can't even tell me the truth. You barge into my home and just give me a sorry excuse and not even a proper apology and no explanation. Yet you still want me to understand? You want me to just believe you?" Turning to him I shoved a finger into his chest "You've lied to me for years Natsu! And you want me to believe you!" Reaching out again he hugs me whispering meaningless nonsense, but I shove him away as I pound into his chest. "You have no right! Don't give me bullshit excuses! Stop wearing your damn mask and tell me the truth you...you asshole!" Falling into his chest I cry out "it hurts...your lies, please take this pain away...please just tell me why I wasn't enough!" Clutching his shirt I continue on "I don't want to play this game…"

Kissing the top of my head he whispers out "shh I'm sorry...You're right. You're right Luce, you deserve the truth. Please just hear me out then and I'll tell you the truth…" Pulling away he looked down at me with a saddened look and pulled me over to sit on the bed. He turns me to look at him as he sits down cross legged, he looks up at me a small smile adorning his face. That small smile that he used to give me when he wanted me to listen. The same smile that was everything to me. He was my everything even though I knew it wouldn't last. I wish he would let me go instead of making me feel this conflict. I'm sorry, but I hate him. I love him too, but forgive me for feeling this too. He cups my face and begins to whip away the falling tears with his jacket. I feel comfort in his tenderness yet the feeling still burned. It felt right, but so wrong as well.

I shouldn't be feeling this. I need him but I can't keep wanting it. Reaching up I grab his hands and pull it down, the warmth of his big hands that helped me through everything felt like a double edged sword. They licked my skin yet I could feel my blood bleed out through them as well. Staring back into his eyes the green eyes looked black and filled with so much regret. They were so beautiful. The soft smile he gave me on his gentle face turned to a thin line as he began to rub the back of my hands. His jaw clenching and unclenching as he struggles for words " I...I don't know where to start really. To be honest I never thought I'd have this conversation with you." He lets out a humorless laugh "to be honest I wouldn't be shocked if your dad came down and cursed me or even started haunting me after this." I let out my own smile at the thought of my father causing a ruckus in heaven to come after him. Though I didn't really understand the meaning to everything else he was saying. Did he plan never to tell me anything and lead me on as a fool?

As if reading my thoughts he continues on as he stares at my hands "look, just know what I'm about to say I want you to know I'm sorry. I never meant to make you feel like an idiot. I really and I mean really do care about you Luce. The way I went about it was wrong. I knew that yet like the dumbass that I am I went about it the wrong way." Sighing he frowns "never thought I'd use the same words as that ice princess…" I start getting upset at his change of subject and attempt to interrupt but he silences me with a small squeeze on my hands. Giving me a look reminding me he wasn't finished yet I shut my mouth. "Look, when I first met you I didn't even understand why everyone was talking about you and it really bugged me and like a mindless kid I went up to you to find out why they were talking about you. Once I got to know you and realized you seemed so strong yet so fragile I wanted to be there for you. No one seemed to want to be around you and when they were they'd always talk about ya and it pissed me off. I always felt like that was wrong. I mean you were the nicest and sweetest person I've ever known and they had the gals to try and start something. I always wanted to beat the shit outta 'em and hell I did to some of the fellas then. Everything seemed to settle down but you had so much goin' on that I wanted to be there as much as I could. You had this way of never lettin' what they had to say get to ya and honestly lookin' back I was jealous of it, but hated feelin' that." He started smiling at the memories "and you have really always meant so much to me. I wanted to be your shield even though that dang pervy lion of yours took that spot I tried to take it up with him and be your sword too. Your extra defence against everyone." He touches my cheek again and this time I lean into his hold. Why does hearing him say this waver me more.

Him saying this doesn't help, but Natsu always had a way of protecting me. 'But he hurt you. If he really cared he wouldn't have done this to you. Remember that.' I knew it was true but I couldn't help but enjoy the feeling and I knew I shouldn't even feel this. He hasn't even gotten to the main part of why he did this and yet I didn't want to know. 'Are you an idiot? Stop letting your feelings get in the way of knowing the truth. REMEMBER. Remember you can't let your damn feelings get in the way! You're stronger than this. Don't let his words sway you so easily.' I know! Dammit I know. 'Do you? Cause from the sound of what we're thinking you're letting yourself be swayed.' Shut up! I know…

God I'm even talking to myself. I'm going crazy…'Crazy for someone who played you like a guitar.'

Shutting my eyes for a second I try to calm my inner thoughts and try to listen. Frowning again he starts to play with my fingers as he continues on. "You seemed like you were getting better, you were a different Luce than I remembered back in elementary. I thought that you were better and you brightened up each day since then. I was so happy 'cause we were best friends who told each other everything and even though I knew deep down things weren't fixed I still thought we were making progress. And honestly I was finding myself in love." He loosened his hold on my hands as he stares up at my ceiling "but with...Lisanna. I was in love with her and I was even ready to confess to her but then...Then everything at school happened. With your father and seeing you break in the lunchroom and everyone crowd around you made me mad. I forgot all about confessing to her. My main focus was on you and I rushed over before you called out for Loke and I. Hell I almost punched a guy or a few to get to you. When I held you I didn't want you to break. You seemed so fragile in that moment and I almost hated your dad for causin' you to feel like that after all those years of ignoring ya. But I knew you'd be mad and seeing you react like that I knew I shouldn't focus on that but take ya to your old man. Loke gave us a chance to leave and I rushed ya out. And gods Luce." Pausing in his story I felt weird hearing this back over again.

Breathing in his jaw clenches again " I tried talking to ya on the way but you went off and hell jumped out before I knew it. When I found ya I felt horrible for not being able to do anything but see ya crying out to your dad. Then after he...passed you changed. I understood and tried to give ya some space and would check up on you every now and then but you didn't even acknowledge me. You shut me out and everyone for that matter. But I kept not pushing and that day...fuck." Pulling my hands to his face he pushes my palms to his cheeks and begins to cry. My heart broke at the sight but I refused to say anything.

"Fuck Luce...finding you lifeless on the floor and not knowing what I should've done. Seeing them take you away from me…" Tears were pouring down his face as he held my hands for dear life. "Fuck, I made a promise to your dad that I'd protect ya...I already failed him when you slipped away. I didn't know if you'd come back. I was scared shitless and when I waited and waited, praying to your folks to bring ya back I didn't know if they'd answer my prayers. I couldn't lose ya. My best friend. You were my everything after my dad left me a couple years back and I couldn't lose my partner in crime. I already saw life leave your eyes before and I kept bashing myself for not being there for you more and try to be a better friend. God I was such an idiot and I hated everything that brought you to that state. But when you came back to me I felt everything spark. I didn't think I got a second chance to have ya back in my life again. Before I knew it, I kissed ya. What I told you that day was the truth. I didn't plan on losing you again so I did everything in my power to keep you." Tears were running down my face and he leaps out and hugs me again as if afraid he was talking to a ghost. We cried together for a few minutes as he engulfed me and told me how lonely he felt without me around. I never knew how much pain I had caused him until now. I knew I messed up that day but the effect it had on him hurt much more.

"I'm sorry Natsu...I'm so sorry" I apologize. I knew our conversation wasn't anywhere near done but I needed to apologize for my past mistakes. I never wanted to cause anyone that much pain and yet here I was grateful my parents pushed me back. It hurt leaving them but I really was happy I was back. But the memories of everything else that happened after flashed back. No I shouldn't be forgiving and apologizing to him now. I should be angry with him, not feeling sorrow. Pulling away I whip my eyes with the back of my sweater and whisper out "but why did you ask me out then…" Staring back at him "why would you go that route? You used me for your own guilty conscious Natsu." He opens his mouth to reply but I hold up my hand not letting him finish. "I was so happy. I thought everything in the stars and my life started to look up. But that wasn't true. I was lost in my own world and I never took in the circumstances. I thought you were my last hope. But after a while I noticed you seemed distant and you never felt there. The sky that I once thought was so beautiful and so blue that made everything seem like a fairytale started to fade into the dark." I looked out of my window and wished it was raining to match my feelings. I internally snorted at the cheesiness.

Shaking his head he gets off the bed and kneels down on the floor, taking my hands again and sighs. "Believe me I shouldn't have jumped to that as if it was the only way. It was stupid really fucking stupid of me Lucy." It felt so odd hearing him say my name instead of his nickname for me. "It was selfish of me. And so fucking idiotic of me. I don't know why I did it other than for my own selfish gain, but I did really feel happy being in a relationship with you. And I didn't even consider your feelings at first and I don't blame you if you hate me. I'd hate me. But I...fuck...once I found out about Bix and Lisanna I regretted everything. I even thought of breaking it off sooner but I saw how happy you seemed and I couldn't do it. Even if I did feel hatred for you. For myself. For letting it get out of hand. For not considering either side but the moment." I pull my hands out of his and move away. Closer to the edge of the bed away from him, keeping my distance.

"You should've told me sooner Natsu. And the fact that you didn't and you telling me now is just…" struggling to find the words I pull at my hair frustrated. Hearing him say it doesn't make me feel better, but I knew I needed this.

"Stupid. Selfish. An asshole move. I know. I thought of this every second of the day for the last two years." Sighing he leans against my bed. Glaring at the bed he mutters out "I really shouldn't have done it. I'm a piece of shit for doing it."

"Yeah you kinda are." Refusing to cry again. "How long." He stares over to me with a questioning look "how long did you plan to play me like a fool."

"I wasn't trying to play you as a fool Luce-!" I cut him off not letting him use excuses again.

"YOU PLAYED ME FOR A FOOL NATSU!" I yell out, anger fulling me on, "LIKE AN IDIOT FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS!" Standing up I glare down at him not letting him close me off again. "I cried for months thinking how useless of a girlfriend I was for not making you happy! I even wished you'd just fade away so I wouldn't feel this! It's soul shattering Natsu! Do you not get that! I thought I wasn't beautiful or loving enough! I thought I wasn't good enough for you!" My voice begins to crack but I continue on not wanting to back down without making my point clear to him. "I still, still feel like I need your comfort. I feel like I still need you even though you destroyed my love for you, even though…" I pause, "my heart still goes to you."

He lets my words sink in as he slowly stood up, towering over me he takes in a shaky breath, "I'm…"

"Please, Natsu I need you to end it." I let out as tears coat my cheeks, "p-please, I can't do it. I need you to do the final blow so I can try to move on." I begged. This will never end until he fully lets me go. As much as it hurts at the thought of losing Natsu from my life I knew we both needed this. Otherwise this will be a never ending cycle, a game that'll never end. I can't keep this going anymore, please Natsu even though it'll change things between us I need you to do it. I'll keep coming back otherwise. "Tell me now you never loved me back" choking back a sob, "look me in the eyes and tell me your true feelings of me."

Tears fall down his cheeks as he realizes the meaning of my words, nodding he stares back into my eyes. His green eyes glossing over but still managing to keep their vibrancy he states in a wavering voice "I never loved you Lucy. I only thought of you as a sister. I'm breaking up with you. I'm sorry but we were meant to be." Turning away he says "hopefully one day we can be friends again, though it'll never be the same I'll still wish to be friends with you one day. Just know that I'll always be there for you and supporting you in the background. This is goodbye." Walking to the door he whimpers out "I'm sorry Lucy."

He leaves and I never felt anything so painful in my life. I reach out for his long gone figure wishing he was still here. That this never happened, that I can't say his name again or see his beautiful smile or hear his infectious laugh without feeling this pain again. Everything around me felt shattered and I was finally free of this love. But I didn't feel any better. Everything felt worse than before and I didn't know anymore if I could go through this without him. God why did life have to fuck me over again. Why is it that everything doesn't feel real anymore. Plue comes over to comfort me as he lays his head in my lap and whines. Crying out I hold onto him for dear life as I let out all my pain. The world was so cruel. Time passed as the tears felt never ending. I layed on the floor holding onto my pup for hours as the light began to shine through the window as if to rub it in. The sky still shined so bright even despite how I was crying away the day. I refused to leave my room except to feed Plue and moved over to my bed clutching onto an old sweater I had of Natsu. It still smelled of firewood and forest and it brought the tears back tenfold. Nothing felt like it would make this any better. I refused to look at my phone as it rang out in the nearly empty room. Refusing to even open my eyes cause everything reminded me of him. The fond memories just replaying and the old photographs littering my room.

Knocks echoed in my home but I still refused to go open the door not wanting to face reality just yet. The sound of the door unlocking didn't even bother me as much as it should've either or the footsteps searching around my home. Closing my eyes I accept the fate of a possible intruder coming to murder me possibly end me of my suffering. My bedroom door opens as Plue runs over and comes and cuddles my curled figure against the wall.

"Princess? Are you here?" the all too familiar voice yells out but I ignore him and curl more into the fur of my fluffy dog. "L-Lucy? Hey you okay?" He walks over.

"Leave me alone Loke." I croak out.

Sighing he sits down on the bed and begins to pet my head in a comforting manner reminding me of a certain someone. "You didn't answer my calls, so I came to check up on you. You okay Princess? What's wrong?" His concerning voice all too soothingly calls out as he lays down next to me. "Did something happen? Did someone hurt you? Do I have to bring out my claws and beat someone up for you?"

Almost unknowingly to him he broke the dam and my eyes still managed to flood with tears as I wail out. Freaking out he stumbles over words and something about how he needs to grab his gun and shoot someone. Before I turn and embrace him and hold onto him for dear life. He smiles softly before hugging me back and whispering sweet nothings to me. Slowly after a few hours I settle down to a hiccuping tremor. "So wanna start from the beginning of what happened?" he lightly whispers to me as he still holds me. Nodding I begin to replay everything back to him not leaving any details out. The night after holding Loke back from attempting to commit murder ended with him staying by my side. I felt horrible for it but I got scolded for that thinking by Loke and seeing him in my kitchen with a frying pan and a pink frilly apron brought a small smile on my face. He stayed by my side for the next few days after and never left my side.

Though every now and then he'd still ask in a very aggravated voice "so are you sure I can't at least shoot him? Or, or punch him?"

Rolling my eyes I gently punch him in the shoulder and lay my head back onto him as we sit on the couch watching old movies. "No."

Groaning out I thought he'd finally drop it until he states "well don't blame me if my foot accidentally finds its way to his ass. Ow! I'm just saying!"


	5. Ch5: I Feel So Low That I Don't Belong

_**A/N:**_ _**Sorry if this chapter is a bit shorter than the last two but I kinda wanted to hold off a bit on Rogue's backstory a bit longer. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and the songs used in this is Low and I Don't Belong Here by I Prevail! I changed a bit of it after rereading the chapter and hopefully I got what I could across.**_

_**Rogue's POV**_

"What the hell?" I utter, slightly dumbfounded by the sight in front of me. A tall bulky long haired male wearing ripped black clothing and glowing red eyes stares me down. Giving him a questioning look I turned my attention to the struggling young blonde male off to his right, muttering curses. As the scene in front of me slowly sinks in I had a feeling I knew where it would end.

Rolling my eyes at the sight I move to the side as they both stride into my home, the black haired male more confidently than the dopey blonde. The blonde male quickly places distance between himself and the bigger male who is currently taking in the room. After shutting the door and turning back to my unwanted guests I lean against the door and feel slight irritation as I watch the two. One figgetting from my gaze while the other basically ignoring it finding more interest in a picture frame laying down. Before the male could attempt to reach it we all hear a tapping noise heading our direction. My little cat rushes over to greet our guests, running between all their legs before leaning on mine. Giving her a small smile I slowly changed it back to a neutral look when I looked back at the two.

"Redfox, why the hell did you show up to my door at almost," pulling out my phone I check the time. "Two in the morning with that idiot." Pointing at the blonde I lower my hand and begin glaring slightly at my older cousin who just gives me a what looked like a mix of a grin and snarl.

Shrugging his shoulders he begins with "well cous." He walks painfully slowly around my small home giving a low whistle at the appearance before he wanders back over to us. Leaning down he gently pets Frosch on the head when she walks up to him before the cat wanders off again. Giving me a small look over I ignore the narrowing of his glare at my disheveled appearance. My pants were no doubt more ripped than before and covered in dirt along with my jacket and shirt. My hair was no doubt more wild, but in fair defence I'd been running my hands through it for the past few hours. Though I doubt that would be enough to satisfy the nosy beast. And knowing he'd get a chance to ask about it later he looks back at the cursing blonde. Grabbing Sting, Gajeel pats him harshly on the back with my friend letting out a small squeak. "Found this clown just hiding away outside your place while I forced another idiot over to bunny girl's place." He shoves the blonde slightly forward making him stumble from the force.

Sting turns his head after finally finding his balance and gives Gajeel a slight glare not fully taking in his insult yet. I found the whole scene amusing and couldn't help the small chuckle that left my mouth as I watched the wheels finally turn in his head at the insult. When it hits he turns quickly shoving a finger into Gajeel's arm trying to intimidate him but failing. "Hey! I'm not a clown!" Sting growls out at the taller male. Gajeel chuckles at his attempt and pushes his finger off as if he was just a mere insect. Not bothering with him anymore Sting glances over at me before he turns away mumbling loud enough, "I just wanted to see what happened to Rogue after the accident…" Amusement leaves my gaze as I ponder what the blonde said. Running a hand through my messy locks I let out a sigh as Gajeel turned a questioning look in my direction.

The word "accident" clearly caught his attention. Something I really didn't want at the moment, especially without a drink. Sting kicked his foot out, crossing his arms in front of his chest and glared at me. "So?" he pushes on waiting for my reply.

Gnawing at my lower lip, I make a face knowing there's no way out of it. Pushing off the door I turn and head to my couch expecting them to follow behind and not really caring if they do. The slight anxiety of having their eyes watching my every move was kinda unnerving. In all honesty I wanted to rush to the cabinet to grab some alcohol knowing that something might cause a slight attack. My fingers twitching at the slight thought and yearing to take the chance to rush over and chug at least two shots worth of poison, but I shook the thought away knowing I'd get an earful no second later. Possibly even get it confiscated as well and I can't have that. Not yet anyways.

Taking a seat at the end of the couch I reach out for my guitar leaning against the side and begin to strum it absentmindedly. The soft strumming calming some of my nerves as the two males take a seat beside me. As my fingers numbly run along the strings I start thinking of the events of the day. From what happened and how it led up to that disaster of a moment. Was it really just a random moment? Or more of a shove for a reality check. Hell it could've been a fateful meeting or just a random occurrence. I could feel my eye twitch at the thought as I tried to piece up a proper explanation to give to my cousin and friend. The day itself started off well enough before I had that gut turning feeling and even though the day stayed at a steady high. It just went downhill after the concert. Why did it have to head in that direction? Why did she have to smile like that? Why did that have to bring back that memory from years ago? Frowning at the conclusion and hating the feeling that was starting to try to push forward I shake my head.

No, it's not about that. There's no connection from that to...before. Trying to focus more on my strumming I try to relax and let the emotions fade back into the numbness I had kept up for so long. God I hate memories. I hate the stupid emotions it bring out of me. Glaring down at my fingers I decided to speak about something that Gajeel mentioned before. "Bunny girl?"

Rolling his ruby eyes at what I wanted to discuss first he grumpily speaks "yeah, bunny girl. It's what I call Heartfillia." Seeing our questioning looks he shifts slightly in his seat before turning more towards us, folding his arms across his chest. "Lucy Heartfillia ya idiots. She's like a scared lil' bunny." Glaring down at the floor he continues on, " yeah I brought firebrain over to fix whatever happened between the two. That dumbass came over to that frosty strippin' weirdo's place when we were having a game night looking like a kicked puppy. Knew he fucked up somehow so had ice nuts drop us off and shoved that idiot in." Putting in the pieces of who this icy guy had to be the only person who came to mind was Fullbuster.

Shaking my head slightly I couldn't help but let out an amused snort. Gajeel always had a weird thing for giving people nicknames. I can't even remember when it started to happen. Was it when he met his friends or before that?

Not wanting to miss out on any of his words I bring my attention back to my cousin. He's frowning at his own words, his glare begins to harshen. "Must've been really bad considering he looked roughed up. Was scared shitless to even get out of the car and almost passed out before heading inside." If looks could haunt, Gajeel would have sent us packing in that moment. I wondered if it was as bad as it seemed. The possibility sent a slight chill down my back. Shrugging slightly he looks over at me from across the couch. "I remembered you lived next door so I came to bug ya and found this dumbass hiding away. So here we are." Stopping my fingers again I take in what Gajeel stated, that familiar feeling wanting to come back. Only one thought remained. So they fought? Is that why she was crying and running in the middle of the night?

"Well I couldn't help it! I had to see why this asshole decided to leave with blondie before telling us anything!" Sting grumbles. Knowing Gajeel had questions Sting rolls his eyes. He lets out an exaggerated sigh as decides to retell the story after feeling a slight shove to continue. "Okay look, we went to the concert we had planned for weeks and it was fun. We had fun and then for some reason Rogue stopped walking and when we turned to see what was wrong. We saw Heartfillia, aka blondie, running across the street. Next thing we knew this idiot runs across the street, jumping in front of the car being some superhero and saves her. By the time we reached them obviously freaking out Rogue just told us he was taking her home!" He looks over at me watching my movements. Slight sadness clear in his eyes. "No explanations other than that and a see ya later! Like what the hell dude? Can't just pull that shit and book it the next second." He punches my shoulder causing me to lean slightly but I don't seem to notice. "So after dropping off Yuki I came over and hid away cause I saw blondie and Rogue talking before he went inside and she went home." Sting lets out a sigh, "then before I had the courage to walk up and talk to him, you came and dragged me to the door. Which by the way, careful with the jacket next time." Pouting he leans back into the couch more, resting his feet on the small table in front of the couch. "It's my favorite jacket. Shits expensive."

Something in me felt ready to crack. It felt familiar but what was this familiarity from? Flashes of random memories creep into my mind freezing me solid.

Seeing my posture and lack of movement Gajeel grunts, getting up he leaves the room. The air around me feels a bit heavy, my fingers twitching as I try to regain control. The room feels like it's closing in, a ringing noise replacing any sound. The soft but screeching sound clogging my thoughts. Calm down I try to tell myself but it can't break through. My breathing begins to hollow out as I feel hands grip onto me as they try to shake me. The tug and pull causes me to shake in an unnatural manor. My pulse increases and the struggle to breathe hits harder. I try to force my hand to move. Reaching for my neck, I tug on my shirt. It felt too tight at the moment almost as if it's choking me and some hope in me wishes it was just the shirt. I could feel the constriction of the muscles in my throat begin to tighten, white dots filling up my vision. A distant voice screaming my name instantly turned to a soothing almost lulling voice. I felt some eerie comfort before the voice sounded like it was fading away. The voices of strangers slamming into my head as they scream an all too familiar word that I've always hated. My other hand shakily reached for my hair as I began to yank it, words began to tumble out of my mouth. Was it a whisper? Am I screaming? I couldn't hear it.

I begin curling into myself more and more as I can feel my guitar fall off my lap. The words they're screaming affect me more and more but I can't push them away. Why is this happening? I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to feel this. Why is it coming out? Why can't it just leave me alone? I didn't do it. I had to do it. Nothing changed, he showed no improvement. He wasn't coming back. I begin to repeat the same mantra trying to calm down. Sweating as my hair is sticking to my neck and face as my vision blurred more and more. Darkness slowly cloaks me, suffocating me as their screams turn louder and louder.

A cold wet substance covers my eyes. Were they still open? I couldn't tell anymore.

It felt like it was blinding me but was there even light? The cold wet fabric felt slightly comforting, before I felt a hand force me to lean back into the couch. Fear crept up and I felt an urge to fight whatever or whoever was holding me down. I felt my body react but felt forced back down, almost like a weak animal. Something about their hands felt familiar though. It felt cool, almost as cold as metal before another set of hands forced open my mouth shoving a small item and what felt like liquid down. They tilt my head back as they clamped a hand on my mouth forcing me to swallow. It made me want to gag, the taste was bitter but I let it be. It felt almost natural.

I could still feel my muscles twitching as the hands began to massage me trying to get me to relax. It felt like hours passed before I could feel my stiff muscles begin to loosen and the voices begin to fade along with the ringing. The concerned voice of my friend in the distance. A gruff voice cuts him off as he talks to me, trying to bring me back.

"Idiot, if I'd known this conversation would've given you an attack... I would've brought out your meds sooner."

Feeling my body begin to numb more I felt exhausted and with a weak voice I responded to him with an apology. I could feel him remove himself from me before I enjoyed the damp towel on my eyes. A small drop falling down my cheek almost like a tear that would never come. After a few minutes or even seconds with a shaky hand I remove the fabric as a blurry version of Gajeel is seated in front of me on the small table. A flash of blonde on his right peaking over at me checking to see if I was fine. Rolling my eyes half heartedly I try to force myself up but get gently pushed back down. Feeling slump I look at a more clear version of Gajeel as he removes his hand off of my chest. A frown evident on his face as his gaze softened on me.

Running a hand down his face he stares down at his feet before asking "look, Rogue, have you…" He trails off trying to find the right words. It was always odd to see him at a loss of words. Usually entertaining but right now down right painful to watch. "Have you been to your doctor lately?" Looking up at him I see the worry clear in his eyes before I drop my gaze. "You know he says you shouldn't be drinking with your meds. C'mon Rogue look at me when I'm talking to you."

Shrugging my shoulders lightly I begin to sit up more after feeling more strength in my muscles. "Ya well he also says I should get a haircut and look at where that went. Besides, drinking helps when I don't have my meds and it numbs me faster." Which in all honesty it was the truth, the meds only made me feel like a victim. Kind of like a poison that left me so weak but held so much control of me. Knowing that's not the answer he wanted to hear I knew the lecture was coming. It always did. He glared at my answer and before I could reach for my guitar he shoves me down again.

"Don't be a smartass. You know it's sinking you down more. Do you really think your old man would want this-" I shove him before he continues. Anger flares through me, the fact that he had the nerve to bring him up just pissed me off. He knew the bullshit I went through and had the fucking gals to say this. The gals to involve him.

"Don't you fucking dare bring him up. Just shut up and leave me alone. I never asked for your advice. Thanks for the help, but just go Gajeel. You're not making the situation any better." I glared him down trying to show there was no room to debate. Call me cynical or over dramatic and sometimes I'd agree with you, but this was always one thing I refused to discuss. One thing I'd never let out in the light. He grabs the front of my shirt pulling me closer to his face as he glares back, hurt evident in his eyes. I felt bad for what I said but just the subject alone set me off. Especially when it was from someone so close to me. I hated feeling like this and even more so going off when he's trying to help. But I didn't need this shit. I just wanted to forget it all. Even if that made me an alcoholic in the end and even though I didn't want that I couldn't help but feel helpless. God I hate this. But I couldn't back down either. I can't let it hold me back.

But it does.

Hands settled between us as Sting who was completely forgotten tried to separate us. "Guys, c'mon. Just relax." Turning to Gajeel he mutters out "you know he doesn't mean that. Besides, it's my fault for supplying the alcohol. I should know better." Gajeel clenches his fist in my shirt before he shoves both of us away. He takes in a shaky breath trying to tame his anger before getting up and heading to the door.

Before leaving he stops, holding the handle of the door his voice wavers a bit as he speaks. "Just promise me Rogue you'll get better with the drinking and try to open up more. Please." He leaves without another word, the silence heavy in the room.

I shut my eyes and slam my head against the couch yelling out "fuck!" Grabbing chunks of hair I try to hold back all the feelings pouring inside of me. Tears were stinging in my eyes but I refused to let them out. God how did I end up like this. I HATE being sober. All I ever do is live in self pity and I can't stand it. And taking that damn pill was almost like a cycle...a never ending one at that. Feeling a slight shift on the couch right next to me I opened one eye. Sting hands over my guitar, leaning back into the couch staring off into space.

"Well that could've gone better." Nodding my head slightly I grab my guitar and begin to strum again. "You know he's right. You can't stop all your problems with drinking, if anything you're causing more problems doing that and hiding all the shit away." Pulling out a cigarette he lights it before offering it to me, nodding I take a hit before handing it back over. Letting the nicotine do its magic. "Sorry I know you hate smoking inside the house, but this really called for one."

"I just- I don't know, I just feel like the only way I can get by other than the meds is drinking. At least with drinking I don't worry too much about...well thinking?" I say with bitterness. Shaking my head I decided against. No, I'm not letting myself fall down this damn rabbit hole again.

An idea that I used to find so stupid but now felt really needed fights through in my head. Quickly turning to Sting I grab onto his shoulder a bit rougher than I planned. He gave me a puzzled look until I uttered out "notebook. Now." His bewilderment quickly turns into a smirking shit eating grin before he gets up and quickly searches for said item. Running a hand through my hair I take steady breathes in before going forward. Sting returns in record time before almost slamming my notebook into my chest, his excitement rising as he sees me open the booklet. He knew all too well what I was planning and for some odd reason loved watching me create my next piece.

Rubbing his hands together I hand him my guitar before I start writing, letting the words almost flow into my writing. I worked quick getting together the intro, verse, refrain and outro before working through a hook and bridge. Everything was written down before I started lettering out and formulating the structure or blueprint of how I wanted the song to be played out. Once I figured everything out I started working on the chorus before fixing up phrasing or any errors that didn't really work for the song itself. I took out some lines as well trying to pick it to perfection, pouring my heart and soul into the sheet. Reading it once more I begin to nod at my work a slow smile reaching my face and hell probably even my eyes at this point. Before even getting the chance to look up to ask for my music sheets. Sting read my mind and slammed a few on the table in front of me bringing out his spare guitar he kept laying around my place. Leaving my guitar to lean right next to me. Smirking at him I hand him the notebook before bringing the sheet paper on my lap waiting for his opinions or advice. He gave me a few and even circled some changes he thought would fit better or where he thought of certain shifts in tempo or ideas on vocals. Nodding or shaking my head we worked for who knows how long.

The sun was long since up and shining through my blinds before we even decided to write everything down how we wanted it. I gave him some ideas of how I wanted to sing the song while he threw in his ideas of what we could add as well and we felt like machines. When we finally got everything together even a simple melody we were ready to start vocals before adding in the other instruments. Playing it as acoustic for now before we bring in our big boys.

It felt like days passed before we shared it with our other band mates. Their excitement clearly through the roof all considering it'd been possibly months since I wrote my last piece. We figured out the instrumentals with our other equipment and before we knew it we had a song. A small part of me wondering what the blonde next door was doing. A small urge to go check or even drag her over lingered when we practiced but I tried not to think so much of it. As we began the intro and the repeated lyrics, the knot in me loosened. The words flowed out of me and once we reached the chorus I poured my emotions out. The euphoric feeling running through my systems as the numbness died out. I always felt the most alive when I was able to sing out what I felt. I never liked to dwell on the past or problems in the future even if it liked to bite me in the ass from time to time. I know I have issues and it only builds me as a person even though it weighs me down. Like bricks tied around my ankles as it tries to pull me under, hell even with the alcohol, I struggle to make it to the surface. Regardless, it was like a shadow that follows me around.

When we finished the song my bandmates were ecstatic, Sting hopping around like an excited puppy. Minerva pinpointing what needed a bit of work as Orga just patted her head telling her to relax a bit. She just swatted his hand away complaining about him being a giant with a pea sized brain. Yukino tried to break up the fight and almost got pulled into the crossfire before Sting pulled her away. He sat her down on his lap off in the corner telling her to watch the show unfold before resting his head with amusement clear on his face. He was always one to enjoy drama or action, usually wanting to join in but also enjoyed the sidelines. He gave his opinion from time to time as part of the peanut gallery but usually teased his girlfriend otherwise. While I watched the chaos unfold in my living room a smile slowly crept onto my face. Yup this is where I want to be and I'd be damned if I let little issues break it.

Before letting anything get too hectic though and any of my possessions break I interrupt reminding everyone we had school the next day. With groans and boos we all packed up our equipment and started to get ready for bed. Checking the time in my room after changing I realize it's already two in the morning. With a small sigh I lay under my covers, Fro curling between my legs, and stare up at the ceiling. Something in me told me tomorrow was going to be the start of something I wasn't going to be ready for. Unease was what I last felt before the dark abyss cradled me to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6: Let Me Be Sad

_**A/N;**_ _**Sorry for the long wait. Been caught up with work and life for a bit. I also was reeditting everything cause I wanted to change or at least fix a couple things in the story itself. Was planning to post sooner but time flew before I knew it! Damn I feel like Kakashi right now with the excuses. Also thank you for the comments so far and hopefully with the edits it's better and easier to read. I really appreciate the feedback so let me know if it's better or if there's any problems or anything that I need to fix with the story. :) Buuuut anyways back to the main point. So I decided before I get back to Lucy's or Rogue's pov I wanted to go back to Natsu's for this chapter. For a self reflection and see what's going on with his side as well. I hope this story doesn't come off as character bashing cause I don't want that but I thought it'd be important to see every character in this story move forward. The song for this chapter is called Let Me Be Sad by I Prevail. Enjoy!**_

_**Natsu's POV**_

Everything was lacking in color after that night. Time passed faster than I imagined and since I got pushed to go to Lucy's, well, fuck.

I tried to hold back and try to get the guys to just let me figure out the proper way to talk to her, but they thought it was a small fight. They didn't expect to see me crying and broken. Honestly I hated that they felt pity or sadness for me. I wasn't the one who deserved any form of sympathy. It was her. And what's worse is I can't just walk up to her or even attempt contact. She made it very clear. It hurts even more knowing that I was the one who caused her to feel that at all.

"C'mon Flamebrain it can't be as bad as you make it out to be. Just go talk to her and beg for forgiveness. Gray grumbles as he smashes the buttons to his controller. Cursing when Gajeel beats him. Huffing he tosses the control off to the side as Gajeel laughs in glee.

"It's not that simple. It's not as small as you guys make it out to be." Sighing I lay my face onto his kitchen table feeling utterly defeated.

Gajeel and Gray give each other questioning glances to one another. Both growing with worry before either asks the question I mumble out a "I don't wanna talk 'bout it." The guys kept trying to pry but after a while I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I didn't want to be alone but the thought sounded more comforting than being questioned right now. Not wanting to deal with their constant pestering I stand up getting ready to head home. Even though I was running away from the problem again I just couldn't stay around. I should at least make sure she made it home safe before heading home I thought to myself. We'll probably have the conversation later after it's cooled down a bit. My main concern before I mess anything up more is Luce's safety even if I eventually can't call her that anymore. The thought alone stung a bit but I knew it was inevitable. Sighing I start to head to the door before a pair of arms pull me back from the collar. Frowning I glower back at my two frenemies.

"What is it this time-"

"You're going to her place right? Not just cowering back?" Gajeel comments giving me a dirty look. One I knew I deserved.

"Well, kinda? I was going to make sure she made it back safe." I mumble not really in the mood to fight.

"What do you mean by make it back safe? Didn't you take her home after your date?" Gray growls out. "Fuck this, whattever we're taking your dumbass to her place whether you like it or not." Grabbing onto my jacket he yanks me out of the house grumbling about me being an idiot before we get into his truck. Gajeel followed closely behind making sure I didn't run off but I didn't have the energy in me to even try.

The ride itself felt like it dragged on by the time we arrived. I felt scared, so scared I was ready to throw up any second. But the assholes forced me out and even dragged me to the door. I stood there for what felt like hours before I had the courage to reach for the handle. Sighing sadly for old times sake I decided to go through her bedroom window for what was probably the last time. Laughing slightly I realized she left it unlocked like usual which meant she wasn't home yet. I gazed around the room taking in all the memories and trying to mentally memorize everything before she got home. Plue even came out to greet me and I enjoyed what little moments I had left with him before she arrived. Seeing her in the same light I saw her before brought back the memory of when I first met her. Her red puffy eyes, glowing gold blonde hair disheveled. Her frown evident as ever at the sight of me. Felt like deja vu if anything. Aside from the bat she was weidling it felt like we were meeting again for the first time. My voice felt like it was locked and I couldn't go through with it all and I almost left before she spoke again. Then it all fell apart.

The conversation with Luce was well, not good. If anything it was everything I expected it to be. Actually that was a lie, it was worse than what I imagined it. I didn't want this. I didn't want to hurt her. Why am I such a fuck up? I could still feel the tears running down my face when I reached Gray's truck. That shitty dark blue truck that brought me here. To say I was a sight for sore eyes felt like an understatement and I wish I waited. I knew waiting would've made it worse. Hell I should've let the cat out of the bag before this all began but what else can I say at this point? After I entered the truck I sat numb in the passenger seat. He tried to cheer me up but I didn't want to feel happy. As awful as it is, I felt relieved that the cat was out of the bag. But at what cost?

Once Gajeel hopped in as well it seemed like he was seething a bit, but no one voiced an opinion. We headed back to Gray's place. The awkward silence was needed more than ever. Who cares anymore. What else do I have to lose at this point. I already lost my best friend. Anything else meant nothing to me right now. Silence was the only grace I got at this point and once we arrived we popped open a few beers but I felt like my sense of taste was lost. Usually the taste was closer to the bitter end but I could care less at that moment. I just wanted to wash away my pain and sorrow. God I sound like a hopeless fool. I let out a bitter laugh as I closed my eyes and leaned into the couch more. The feelings just took over as I sat there letting them. Who am I kidding? I deserved this and I was just an idiot like everyone says. Dad, when did your son become this fucked up that he willingly hurt his other half?

A plopping sound brought me to open one eye as I watched my dark haired stripping best male friend. He had a contemplating look which was unusual but I knew where it was heading. He never looked so frustrated before unless it involved me or his damn stripping habit of his. Before it was Juvia that crazy obsessed water witch but she's calmed down these past few years.

"So flamehead, what happened?" Gray raised a hand signalling for me to shut up and listen. "Look obviously you don't want to talk about it. Believe me we know dumbass. But we're worried you know? This is the first time we've seen you like this. You're mopping around like a lost puppy. Hell you were even crying for fucks sake dude!" He rubs his forehead in frustration and what looked to be concern. It was such a weird look for him but I knew what he was getting at. I'd probably do the same if the roles were switched. Maybe throw a chair at him to try to start a fight though. But he always took the more mature role in the group other than Jellal. "God, we're scared to even know what Lucy looks like if you look like this."

I cringed at the memory of Luce. Shaking my head trying to get rid of the memory I didn't realize Gajeel threw his empty can at me. The cool but hard edge of the can hitting me square in the face bringing me out of my stupor.

Confusion and rage took over my features when I realized what had been thrown and before I could even yell at him for it, he roared back shutting me up quick. "Listen here you flaming piece of shit. I don't wanna hear you try to make any pathetic excuses. I want you to listen and be a good little dragon boy and talk." He stood up, towering over my sitting form. Rage and a crazed look for blood in his eyes. It concerned me to an extent as to why he would react like this. I knew he cared for Luce since she was Levy's best friend and even thought of himself as a bodyguard for her even though he would never admit it. He cared for her as if she was his younger sister. His next words though made my blood run cold. "Do you even know that bunny girl almost got hit by a car after seeing you?"

I froze in fear, god I knew I messed up but I didn't know Luce almost died. Bile rose in my throat and I felt worse than before. It was my fault. If I never did this to her then she would have never ran in front of a car. I know it. She always had a knack of somehow almost getting hurt, but she loses control and judgement when pushed to it.

"I fucked up." My raspy voice broke out as tears rimmed my eyes and fear and sorrow crushed me. "I fucked up so bad that I can't even talk to Luce ever again. Or even see her." Crushing my half empty can I cry out in frustration. "Why am I such a fucking idiot! I deserve worse than death for this fuck up!"

Gray and Gajeel exchanged looks before Gray spoke up in slight fear from the outburst. "Natsu, what exactly did you do?" He paused before continuing on, "don't tell me you cheated on her? Cause I swear to god if you did that to my little sister I will fuck you up faster than you could say one goddamn word!" He stood up quickly, before slowly making his way over to me. Taming his rage as best as he could, but could clearly be seen as he yanked me forward by my shirt. His fist ready to make contact.

Me cheating on Luce? Fuck, it might've only been with my heart but doesn't mean it hurt her any less. I shook my head and whimpered out "No I didn't, but yes. Not physically though."

Gajeel grew more frustrated almost growling out "then what the fuck did you do!" He stood up kicking the table between us trying to tame his nerves. The tell tale signs that he was ready to pounce any time soon. "If it's so fucking bad then why the fuck can't you tell us! Or even communicate with her? What the fuck do you even mean by not physically? What else could it be? Doubt it was a lie that got you this fucked up!"

Running a hand down my face I force away Grays clingling hands and began to lean forward onto my elbows. There's no way getting out of this and if it means I'll lose more friends then so be it. Either way, I just want to wallow in my own guilt. Maybe it's like a sick way of just desserts I deserve. Not taking the chance of looking up at either of their faces I open my mouth ready to spill everything. The words I was planning to say though wouldn't come out. No, that's not right. It's more of how should I go about it? I don't want to overthink this but I know I should say it in a way it would make sense? Fuck why am I even over complicating this all. It's as easy as just letting it all out!

Is it fear? Fear of being rejected by them? Burning years of friendship because of my own stupidity? No, I deserve it regardless. God dammit I just have to say it. I didn't even realize they were talking to me until the words finally came out of my mouth.

"I lied to her. I lied that I was in love with her."

Silence was the only thing that was met. The eeriness of the room only intensified as they mulled over my words. I knew it didn't make any sense without a proper explanation and as much as I didn't want to dwell longer on this topic I continued on before they put in their two cents.

"She...she was going through a lot. I don't know if either of you remember when she had that breakdown not that long back. But, remember how she almost died? When she was hospitalized?" Gulping, I licked my lips before numbly going on, "I was so scared. So scared to lose my best friend. Even after I promised her pop that I would protect her. I failed not even a month after. So without even thinking of the consequences at the time I basically proclaimed my love to her. But…" I began to fiddle with a loose string on my scarf trying to not get too emotional. The memory of her on the bed, close to death, is clear in my mind. "But I fucked up. I kept a whole lie going of how I was in love with her. But the truth was I was in love with Lisanna not Luce. I was just so scared of losing my best friend I kept up this whole lie even if it meant I would suffer. But Luce isn't so stupid. I know that. She's the smartest girl I've known."

I chuckled lightly at the memory of her. The memories I want to keep. But soon I found myself frowning as I continued on. "And she found out and ran off before I could fully explain. I knew me explaining would only cause more damage than good. I did want to tell her but I couldn't. I didn't know she would almost get hit by a car. But that's just an excuse 'cause I should've known better. I'm a fucking moron I know. But either way when you guys had me go over she explained how hurt she was over this all and told me never to talk to her again. I know I fucked up and I know this is what I deserve but I still miss my best friend…"

It'll never be the same.

Taking a deep breath I was ready for the beating to come and sure enough I got slugged hard in the face. I tumbled out of my chair, but all the fighting I had was gone. I just feel sad and whether that meant getting put in my place multiple times so be it. I just wanted to feel sad whether I deserved it or not. I needed the reality check. I know that now. Not long after I got berated for being a complete idiot and taking it the punches stopped. I didn't realize it shocked them of how regretful I looked but I knew I felt their hatred loom over. So be it, I burned those bridges and there's no way of fixing it.

I went home without a word. I couldn't even explain myself when Gray asked me why. I had no excuse to give or even want to give. I just wished I could change it all but it's too late for that now.

The walk home was over before I knew it and when I entered the empty home I didn't even notice happy coming to welcome me. I walked through the dark hallways and opened my bedroom door before plopping face first into my pillow. For once I felt happy that I was alone. My sister Wendy was off at a sleepover with her friend Chila? Chiela? Something like that. Either way I needed time to just enjoy the darkness. The emptiness and loneliness to make me remind myself that I caused this to myself. A selfish act that I needed to learn from. I just want to be sad for a while and just catch my breath. Even if it's for a while, it's all I have left along with the memories of the good times I had with everyone and...Luce.

Happy jumped onto my bed sniffing my face before smacking my face with his paw trying to gain my attention. When I didn't react I felt the worry as he curled next to me, his purrs trying to comfort my sadness. I shut my eyes not wanting to even try to get him to stop. Like he understood, he stayed curled against me before we both knocked away into sleep.

Days flew by in a blur before school. I honestly didn't even remember Wendy waking me up or getting dressed or ready. I had no energy to even move but Wendy basically dragged me along. The look of worry evident in her eyes but as usual I told her not to worry about it. It wasn't her problem to burden and I didn't want to cause her to carry my weight either. Hell she'd probably even scold me as well but forced to love me after all I was her dumb older brother. Though I knew she could easily leave me as well, I couldn't let that happen yet. Afterall I'm a selfish asshole, but I wanted this at least. Whether I deserved it or not.

When I walked into the school gates I saw a blur of blonde in my peripheral. Almost like magic my head snapped in that direction and I almost felt my feet ready to move after her. And just like that I stopped myself.

What am I even thinking? I don't have the right to go to her anymore and I promised I'd leave her alone. But even then I still wish we could go back to a time before everything went to shit. I really wish I never fucked our relationship up. With that thought alone I continued on trying not to spar a glance. This is just how it is now.

With a heavy sigh I head into my first class. Gym. God why does the day have to start off with exercise. Before I would've enjoyed this, to burn off some steam or excess energy but I had none to give today. And I felt the looks of my classmates seeing a not so hyper version of me but I chose not to bother with it. Who cares what they think anyways. At this point if they hated me it'd be easier than to feel their concern. After the coach instructed us to take a few laps we headed to the tracks. I took a slow pace not feeling in the slightest mood to try. My eyes wandered over to the school building catching a glimpse of blonde again and as much as I wanted to stop and stare I turned away.

I get a harsh shove making me stumble and fall harshly into the dirt. My knees felt like they were scraped and I knew my hands were bleeding. Before I could even lift myself up and check my jacket was yanked as the perpetrator then grabbed the front of my P.E. uniform forcing me to face them. His dark blue eyes filled with anger and almost what looked to be concern? His nappy blue black locks dangled over his squinty eyes as he glared down a sneer clear on his lips.

"Are you really goin' to just mope around like a delicate princess for the rest of your life pyro?" He spat out.

Turning my gaze away I try to pry his hands off before mumbling out. "Not like I deserve happiness right now. Just leave me alone Gray."

My right cheek burns again after he punches me. I didn't really care from the pain, the taste of iron evident that there was blood. Turning my head away I spit out the red liquid before turning my gaze back to him. With no ounce of energy I plainly let out, "feel better now? C'mon man just leave me alone."

He punches me immediately again anger fueling his eyes before he slams his forehead against mine. His eyes widening as he seethes in disbelief. "Are you seriously not going to fight back?! Is this all your life has come to?" He punches me again, yelling clear in the background as he slams his fists against my face. Bruises sure to come, but I still felt the lack of need to fight back. That's right, I told myself I'd let this happen. I close my eyes before feeling a wet spot on my cheek.

I opened my eyes, shocked at the sight of Gray angrily crying above me. Why was he crying? Why did he cry for me? I don't deserve it. "Why are you just giving up? You fucked up yeah, but you can't just keep being a selfish prick and not give a damn about how you live your life. You think what you're doing is some sort of righteous punishment?" He slams me down on the ground again before spitting out shakily "then don't just give up on your life. If you won't let your buds help you out even if they want to beat the shit out of you, knowing you won't fight back makes me feel just as bad as you. This isn't you. This doesn't make me feel any better knowing I can just punch you and you not giving a damn. Learn from your fuck ups, but not like this." He gets pulled away by an angry Erza. I just lay there shocked. Was the way I was going about it wrong? I'm just fucking up more aren't I?

"What the hell is the matter with you two? I can't let you out of my sight for one damn second and you two fight! Gray go do a hundred of sit up!" The red haired demon yells, but stops at the sight of him whipping away his falling tears. She's shocked as well. "Gray? What's wrong?" She turns back to me realizing the situation. "Natsu, what the hell? Why are you laying there? You're usually fighting back. Why the hell are you just laying down? I demand to know what's going on! Is everyone just being strange today?" She angrily states.

Slowly getting up a small smile forms on my face. "You're right. Sorry was just catching my breath there. Wanna go again ice queen?" I crack my knuckles before spitting out a bit more blood. Realizing the change in my demeanor and mood Gray smiles a bit more satisfied.

"My pleasure, fire crotch."

"Who you calling fire crotch you icicle nips!" I lunge forward landing a punch on his pale droopy face.

"Icicle nips? Aw come on you can do better than that fire mouth breather!" He lands another hit back. The exchange brings a warm feeling back.

"Whatever you say droopy eye pervert!" We roll around wrestling, laughter being heard from both of us. We both get yanked away from each other before the all too familiar feeling of our heads being smashed together making both of us pass out.

Erza's voice fading out in the distance "what the hell has gotten into you two…"


	7. Chapter 7: Supposed To Be Breaking Down

_**A/N**__**: The songs for this chapter are Supposed To Be by Icon For Hire and I Prevail Breaking Down. Let me know whatcha think!**_

_**Lucy's POV**_

"Another sleepless night it seems." I mumble to myself after a quick glance at my alarm clock.

Pulling the covers slightly away to glance around my room I get blinded by light. The offending source makes my eyes water slightly before adjusting to the brightness. It burns through my curtains filling my room, giving off a faint heavenly appeal. My light blue and white walls give the room the appearance of a brighter atmosphere than the dark aura surrounding me. My bed smothered in the glow as a bundle of blankets curled around my lumpy form trying to crawl closer into the wall. As far away from reality. A beep echoes in the silence makes me groan as I try to turn away.

Morning came by too quick in my opinion and honestly I wasn't ready to face anyone yet. I was scared. How am I supposed to face everyone? Do I act like 'Lucy' or like the mess I feel right now? "Smile like the light that you're supposed to be Lucy" I mumble the mantra to myself. I tried to force it but the tug on my lips felt weighted. Sighing again I glare up at my ceiling feeling the turmoil begin within me. How am I supposed to do this again? You'd think after years of practice I'd be a pro at this, but when it comes down to it I feel like a frozen painting. Frowning, I let my mind wander back to my friends and everyone back at school, do they all know?

I have to smile.

No one can see this weak side of me. No, that's a lie, they already have. Then I have to play it cool and act like it doesn't affect me, right? No one will know or find out. Unless they already knew. Gods, I can't do this. Am I too far gone?

Sighing loudly I pull the sheets down as my alarm continues to blare through my room. The emptiness felt like a reminder of what I needed to face. Whimpers were heard at the bottom of the bed, Plue's soft pleas for me to turn off the darn screeching demon was enough to give me a small jump start. Removing myself from my safe haven I turn off the alarm and head to the shower. Maybe a good shower will make me feel better? The warm carpet comforted me till I hit the cold tile. A small shiver felt like an electric shock making me almost run back into my room and under the covers. And as much as the idea itself sounded more inviting, I decided against it.

When I turned on the lights, I did my best at avoiding myself in the mirror. I knew I looked like utter garbage and lacked the image of the girl I used to be. But the soft echoes of the promises I gave myself made me decide against that idea. "First step." I mutter to myself.

Stopping dead center I shakily turn and look at myself, I know I needed this as a reminder. Proof that this Lucy, scared little Lucy, will be no more. After all the mess I lead myself to, I need to learn to take a step forward, or try at least. A slight look I could tell my hair was a rats nest and looked ready to home a few rodents or birds any second. Turning more I take in my pale reflection revealing my bloodshot eyes, dark bags underlined red with irritation. Staring myself down I didn't recognize myself, I looked like a different person. Well I already knew I looked like garbage to begin with, but still. I knew people would say that phrase nonchalantly but this was a real eye opener.

Giving my mirror my full attention I begin to lean in slightly bringing my hand up to gently touch the glass. I felt like this was an alternative reality. The blotchy red and pale cheeks, puffy eyes and unsheathed appearance was that of a bad nightmare. Bringing my hand down I grab my brush and begin to detangle my mess of hair. Slowly my locks looked more in their natural state.

More comfortable with my appearance I turn but give myself one last look before removing my clothing. Turning my water to a blazing hot temperature I step in and try to wash away any evidence of the previous days. Leaning back into the wall, the water falls against my back as I let myself relax a bit more before shutting it off and stepping out. Towel drying myself I turn back to my reflection, questioning my decision. I know I don't want to be stuck or be considered crazy? Is that even the right wording? Is it crazy? No, it'd be more along the lines of a cycle. Right? Maybe...weakness? Yeah that was a better word to put it bluntly. Covering my mouth in concentration I try to convince myself that I'm not going crazy. Mentally I am damaged goods but not crazy. Right?

God why is so hard to convince myself and reiterate everything to make myself believe it. You'd think saying it once was enough to be able to change. But that wasn't realistic was it? Eyes moving back into those of my reflection. They looked hollow, lacking and dull. Typical look for the role of a broken protagonist. This is the real Lucy, right?

Slapping my cheeks I shake my head. Stop it! No more self pity- or protagonist comparisons… at least now. Geez why do I even think of comparisons to begin with? I need to hold off on watching movies for a while. Not like it'll change anything really it'd just be a lack of distractions for me. A humorless laugh escapes my lips, now this, this itself is crazy having to compare yourself to those roles. That's probably another reason why he never loved you.

No, shut up. I need to stop while I'm ahead.

Take slow and easy steps forward like Loke told you. Come on I could do this. Smiling slightly, I continue on with my morning routine and try to cover up anything that didn't look...right. Changing into my uniform, a black thigh length skirt, a white long sleeved button up shirt, a grey cardigan with my school's logo on the breast and a red and yellow striped tie. I roll on my thigh high black socks before slipping my feet into my Mary Janes. I checked myself over making sure my uniform looked perfect and fixed any mistakes. I braid my hair into a french side braid making sure to leave a few strands to frame my face as my side swept bangs fall lightly onto my eyebrows. Giving myself a once over I turn to Plue looking for his approval. He lets out a small bark before letting out a yawn. He's too cute for his own good, I thought as I patted his head lightly.

"You hungry boy?" he barks again before I smile. "Alright let's eat then before I go." Grabbing my bag we head into my kitchen and eat. I pulled out my phone and decided to turn it back on. My fingers shook slightly from the small action. Loke's voice telling me I needed to focus on myself before we head back into school rang in my head. He had to keep reminding me to avoid my phone and even turned the little electronic off to keep my focus away. He tried to keep things on a lighter note trying to remind me of who I was. Though the idea itself was odd, especially watching Loke trying to recreate a "Lucy" he thought I was. I even laughed at his impersonation but it never seemed right. Was that really Lucy?

The front door opening brought me out of my thoughts as the lion boy himself sang out my name. "Lucy! My beloved, I'm here! Your knight in shining armor."

Giggling at his timing and usual choice of words everything felt, well, normal? Forgetting about my phone for a second I place it back down on my table. Will it all seem normal when I walk into the school? Will it all seem like a dream?

I don't think I should go… Maybe going is a bad idea? I don't want to see him. I don't want to see everyones pity. Their eyes watching my every move. Do I act like nothing happened? Or do I avoid the topic. Which is the right choice? Which will cause the least amount of issues? Do I not sit with our friends anymore? Do I avoid everyone?

"-cy." Long fingers snap in front of me to catch my attention. "Lucy!"

Loke's concerned face fills my blurry vision. He brings his hand onto my cheek whipping away the falling tears. Huh, when did I start to cry? Why am I crying? Frowning, I already broke my own promise to myself and the day just started. Clenching onto my skirt I shut my eyes, disappointed in myself. I couldn't even follow through with my first step. Why am I already moving backwards! I'm trying to change and yet I can even move an inch.

"You can't change overnight you know." Pulling me into a hug I cling onto Loke as he continues. "Princess, the first step is acknowledging you need to change. And it's hard to move forward after a break up. Hell even from everything that you've experienced so far. You can't just assume you'd be a new you without all the hardships. Trust me, you'll get there." He pulls away and holds my face, my hands instinctively grab onto his wrists as I search his eyes. Smiling, he kisses my forehead before leaning onto it with his own. "You can do this. Even if you step back I'll be there and pull you forward. I won't let you go through this on your own. I believe in you. Trust me Lucy, I won't let you suffer alone."

Nodding my head I smile up at him, but my smile falters. "B-but, what do I do when we see each other? Do I act like nothing happened?" Clinging to his wrists I take a steady breath in "I don't want to be stuck Loke…"

He gently rubs my cheeks with his thumbs before pulling away and pulling me up. "One step at a time Princess. One step at a time." Nodding I felt a bit more confident as we left. Before heading out the door I quickly run back and grab my phone. Noticing I had a lot of notifications ranging from text messages and calls I sigh. I had a lot of explaining to do and that's for sure. I grab my coat right by the front door before calling out to Plue I'd see him later.

The walk to school felt longer than ever. Each step felt heavier and heavier. The walk itself couldn't have been more than ten minutes but the closer the school gates came the more antsy I felt. Noticing my discomfort Loke holds onto my hand, squeezing it as reinforcement. Taking a breath in we head inside. Before reaching the steps of the entrance I was tackled forward. Two thin pairs of arms turning me around as a short blue headed girl glared me down. Wide eyed I noticed she was followed by a taller bluenette and redhead as well.

"What the hell Lu!" She pulls me into a tighter hug. " I was worried sick! Why haven't you returned my call or messages!"

"Levy is right Lucy. It isn't like you to ignore your friends." The red head scolded in a motherly fashion. "Did something happen? Do I need to punish someone?"

"Juvia believes Lucy must've had a reason for not responding. Juvia thinks we shouldn't assume anything yet." The taller bluenette states trying to calm the other two females, but worry filled her eyes as she turned her gaze towards me.

With a scratchy voice I apologized to my three best friends, "Sorry...things got a little hectic, so I needed a bit of a break. I should've let you guys know before I went off the radar." I couldn't really fault them, even though they were too much at times I knew they really cared. My friends are like my family and I shouldn't worry them.

Pulling away Levy gives me a sly grin before jokingly stating "what, Natsu taking all your attention away from us. Bet he must've made it real 'hectic' for ya." She makes air quotations making the other girls turn scarlet red and stuttering messes.

Normally I'd be a blushing mess as well but her words only left me stiff. I should've known this was going to be brought up sooner than later. Before even getting a chance to think of a response I feel a tug on my arm. Turning my attention back to the forgotten Loke, he gives the girls a teasing grin. "Sorry, it was more of my fault that she was preoccupied last week. What can I say I can't stop professing my undying love for her." He pulls me into a hug to hide me away making me feel eternally grateful. "She had to deal with my beautiful ass since I haven't seen her for soo long. Oh Lucy my sweet princess I almost forgot we need to hurry to class. Don't wanna be late!"

He pulls me away yelling out apologies and farewells to our confused friends. We walk through the halls filled with students. Their stares lingering as we reached our lockers, their whispers and laughs making me want to curl away. Clinging closer to Loke we gather the material needed and walk into a rhythm silence before entering our classroom. The room was mostly full as students were chatting around in their groups. Before Loke and I separated he gave me one final hand squeeze before heading to his group of friends.

I stood by the doorway trying to breath, my nerves set ablaze as I felt suffocated. Forcing a smile I greet everyone adding in a wave hoping they won't notice. Their smiles looked warm but I still felt uneasy but tried to force it back. No, they wouldn't think ill of me right? Breathing in again, I let my eyes wander the classroom before noticing a messy black mop sitting alone in the back. Not wanting to stand around I quickly rush over to the back of the classroom before standing in front of the lonesome male.

Feeling uncomfortable, I shuffle my feet slightly before whispering out "h-hi Rogue...would it be okay if I sat with you back here?" I felt a few eyes watching me most being confused as to why I went to the back while others seemed dumbfounded that I was talking to the teen. He lifts his head up a bit from his folded arms and stares at me slightly confused as well. Feeling nervous he'd reject me, I shifted nervously.

Blinking a few times he slowly nods his head before sitting back as I quickly took a seat beside him. We both sat in silence, but it felt comfortable rather than awkward. Bringing my hands on my lap I ignore the questioning look Loke is sending me and stare off at my desk. Taking a small breath I try to brave up a bit and turn to Rogue opening my mouth but pause. What was I supposed to say? I begin to close my mouth trying to form something that wouldn't be considered weird. I struggle for a bit before the bell rings signaling it was time for class. Frowning, I turn back to face forward as the teacher walks in. Disappointed with myself I try to shove the dark thoughts that try to creep up. Pulling out my notebook and book I get ready for the lesson before a small piece of paper lands onto my portion of the desk. Puzzled, I turn to my bored looking neighbor before grabbing the note. Knowing that the teacher wasn't paying any mind I unfold it sneakily and begin to read.

'You okay..? You were staring at me like a confused fish with how you kept opening and closing your mouth.'

Pouting slightly at the comment I couldn't help a small smile reach my lips. He had a really nice style of writing, it was neat and had a slight cursive look to it. Grabbing my pen I begin to write back.

'I'm feeling a bit better, but still feel like a mess. I'm still sorry you had to witness that. Also that was mean! I was struggling on what to say.' I fold up the note and slide it over to him before turning back to writing my notes. I hear a soft snort and smile slightly.

He slides back the note this time before relaxing again. 'Well it's true, kinda creepy if you ask me. Felt like you were ready to chant a spell or something. And sorry to hear, but I'm sure it'll work out.'

'I might as well cast a spell if you're going to make fun of me, jerk!'

"Miss Heartfillia!" I quickly pull my hand away from the note. Wide eyed I looked fearfully at our teacher praying he didn't notice I was passing notes. "Well? Do you know the answer?"

Confused, I weakly ask him to repeat the question only to be scolded for not paying attention. Luckily he let it go seeing as I was a "perfect straight A student" as he says. This left an odd feeling sturr inside me though. It sounded off this time around.

As I try to follow the lesson again I couldn't help but let my gaze linger back to Rogue. He was looking out the window with a neutral expression. Trying to follow his gaze I spotted a pink and black blur below. From the looks of it it was gym but the two hair colors were all too familiar. A flash of red ran to them stopping whatever fight they were having this time. But even from this distance I felt a pang in my heart. Clutching my shirt I turned away from the scene, trying to still what I was feeling.

Course I was the only one hurting. Tears were already brimming my eyes when another note was passed over again. Glancing back over at the male beside me he looked as if he hadn't moved. Curiosity getting the best of me, I wipe away the unshed tears as I read it.

'You okay?'

Frowning I quickly write back before sending it back. 'I'm fine.'

'Not any of my business, but just a suggestion. Talking usually helps a bit. Or so I've heard.'

My brows crease together as I reread his note. Talk about it? Wouldn't that bring more pain? Then again back when he and I used to be friends it did always make the pain feel lighter. But I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Class went by in a blur as did most of my classes. By the time the lunch bell rang I felt scared. I was the last one to leave my classroom, when I reached my locker I stalled as much as possible. I knew I wasn't going to go sit with my group of friends but where would I even go in the first place? Grabbing my homework I decided to head to the library before anyone could come looking for me. Seated in the far back corner I tried to work on my homework but I felt lonely.

Pulling out my phone I search through all the names listed debating on who to contact. A small hand pats my head shaking me out of my concentration. Levy was squatting in front of me followed by Juvia and Erza. "Why are you alone here Lu?"

Biting my lip I focus back down at my work and with a meek voice I reply "I wanted to get my assignments out of the way."

Levy sighed before they all circled around me, taking a seat as they watched me. "Then why don't we join you? Four heads are better than one right?" She smiles at me before pulling out her work.

"Juvia thinks that's a wonderful idea! Juvia needs help with some subjects as well. Where shall we start?" Juvia excitedly states before searching through her bag. Her loose curls bunching up around her face as she turned.

"Well while we're at it then I might as well join you as well. Though how are your classes so far this semester? It feels as if this semester hasn't changed so far." Erza starts but by the end of it she seemed irritated. "Those fools. You'd think by the end of gym they'd be worn out not running around causing a ruckus. Why am I always the one stuck with the idiots!" she woefully declares causing the others to laugh. I couldn't help but let out my own little chuckles as well. As much as it hurts to hear, it was nice to know that nothing has changed so far.

"There's never a dull moment in this school. Especially with our idiots running around causing chaos." Levy laughs out as she takes small glances in my direction. Letting out a snort I avoid her gaze and I try to continue my work. I'm glad they're here with me, but this topic just brings back memories.

They continue on their conversation while working as I mostly keep to myself. A knot forming in my throat making it too hard to speak or breath. The topics are getting heavier and heavier, almost suffocating. I try hard to ignore the tears wanting to form but after hearing his name more than once being brought up I felt my will weakening. I needed to get away. Quickly standing up, not bothering to move my items I inform them of me needing to use the restroom. They tried to offer to come along but I refused a little too hastily. Levy's next response has me stopping.

"I knew it! Something is wrong!" She reaches out to grab a hold of my arm turning me around before pleading, "Lu what's going on? Why can't you tell us? Aren't we friends?"

Tears begin falling down my face as Erza and Juvia both stand and begin to slowly walk over. "Please Lucy, Juvia understands if you're hurting too much to speak to us, but we only wish to help. Juvia, no, all of us are worried about you. You've been acting strange since this morning and we only wish to help you." She grabbed a hold of my hand bringing it to her chest, she tightened her grip slightly as tears formed in her own eyes. She looks up at me with a sad smile. "When you're sad we feel sad as well Lucy. Just know we are here for you."

Hands cradled my head as it's brought down to a warm chest. Erza's motherly voice almost whispered into my ear "we only want to help you. You're like a sister to us Lucy, we'd do anything to see you smile again. Whatever is causing you grief we will shield you from it. We'll be your armor and help you through this, but we can't do it if you won't talk to us or trust us enough to tell us." She pulls my face away, a lone tear gliding down her peach skin.

The small hands gripping my arm loosen as one reaches up, swiping away tears turning my attention back to her. Her stern and burning hazel eyes soften, her piercing voice turns a gentle tune. "Please Lucy. Don't run away from us." My soft sobs break, the small wall I tried to build up from them breaking instantly. I desperately reach out to them as the pain floods out. They hold onto me almost scared to let go as we all crumble to the ground. Crying freely as all too willingly I let go and tell them everything.

It felt odd to retell what happened from start to finish, the pain I felt was just as bad to tell it again. I wondered, well more wished that it wouldn't feel like this. How long will it take for me to be able to tell this same tale without the burning pain? I wished time would fly by and I wouldn't feel like this anymore. The stinging sensation and tears that make you feel weak all over again. The bell signalling for class was completely ignored as I told them about Natsu, Rogue saving me and the last encounter I had with Natsu. The pain I felt from the days following the start of school, Loke helping me and feeling scared of facing them all. I had to hold them all back and beg them not to go after Natsu, they reluctantly agreed. Though they wanted to follow a punishment for what he caused. I told him about his reasons and how as much as it hurts I couldn't blame him. It was beyond stupid of the route he took trying to "save me" but oddly enough I still appreciated him. They were upset at the thought that I forgave him so easily but I told them otherwise.

As I looked into each of their eyes I couldn't help but feel like they think differently of me. Shakily I push forth the explanation far better in my own head. "I haven't forgiven him. Anything but that, even though deep down I want to- I can't. He knows that after all we're not even friends anymore." I let out a dry chuckle. "But it's still painful not to be the same anymore. If anything I see it as the push I needed to change. To get stronger." Turning to look into their questioning eyes they smile despite the anger they feel. Glancing back down I played with my tie as the next thing I was about to say would hurt to say but I felt like it needed to be done. Especially if I was going to take this step to move on and start going down this path I set for myself. "What I'm about to say next, I hope you don't think differently of me and just understand what I'm about to say." Determination flowed through me, wavering slightly, but still holding on.

"To move on, to not be stuck I think…" struggling with the words I force them out. "I-I'm going to go alone for a while. I won't be around our friend group till I feel like I'm getting better. Just being around him won't help me and I need to figure out who I am. Who the real Lucy is." The strange judgment of my decision felt off putting. The same looks my father gave me made my blood run as the jolt of anxiety and fear made me want to run again. But I held off knowing our conversation wasn't done, they needed to understand. The thought of my father alone made me try to be obedient but turns me into a helpless girl as I wait for them to turn the same judgement and walk away. Done with me like he was at one time. I knew they weren't like this but my mind rationed out all sense of hope and gave away easily to memory and fear. I shut my eyes ready for the scolding as I tuck my head in prepared for the bashing.

"But Lucy…!" Erza and Levy almost shout at the idea of leaving them behind, but Juvia's hand raises, stopping them.

She smiles sadly at me before placing her hand on top of mine. "Juvia thinks this is a good idea for you Lucy, though Juvia doesn't like the idea of leaving Lucy on her own." She pulls away clutching her shaking hand to herself as she watches me. "Juvia will support you! We won't leave you fully alone, but we'll help guide you through."

Reluctantly Erza and Levy agreed as long as we still stayed in touch. I felt shocked but relieved that they trusted me enough for this. Smiling, I agreed with them, we all hugged and yet again cried for the uptienth time before realizing the time before packing up our belongings. We said our farewells before they cracked a few jokes about a black haired male possibly being a new love interest in the far future, though I brushed it aside. When we exited the school I found a frantic Loke searching for me in front of the gates. I apologized profusely to him before explaining what happened and he almost too instantly let it go.

He pulled me into a hug, kissing my forehead he stated, "I'm proud of you princess. So I take the first day of school wasn't bad?"

Heading down the path back home I had a little more hop into my steps. I still felt like I wasn't moving much but it felt reassuring to have my friends behind me. With a soft smile I turn my gaze to the sky. "I think I'll be fine."

The path ahead I knew was going to be an endless rollercoaster ready to drop any second. The fear of moving forward and getting a chance to change was still evident. I was the real life dummy to a test that life had conjured up for me, but I needed to be ready to step up for the challenge. But to do that I needed to find out who I'm supposed to be.

As we walked down the sidewalk I noticed a figure sitting at the park from the corner of my eye. Turning to get a better look I stopped in my tracks and before heading in the direction of the park I called out to Loke a few steps ahead. "Loke go on ahead without me. I'll message you when I get home!" His calls left unheard as I rushed over to the park a small smile forming at my lips. I needed to tell him.


	8. Chapter 8: Talk To Me

_**A/N: Sorry for the delayed chapter. I was honestly struggling with the direction I wanted it to go that I rewrote the chapter multiple times. And once I had an idea some family and personal issues came into the picture that I couldn't focus on the chapter. Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you guys think. Also I decided to add in a bit of Rogue's back story but not in full detail. That'll come in later chapters. As for if he has supernatural powers sadly no it was more of a panic attack. I kinda based it on personal experience and it was honestly one of the hardest things for me to describe without fully thinking about it. This chapter also had one of the hardest choices for a song to base it on. I ran through different ones and also changed that so many times as well. So the song I used for this chapter is more for later in and its Talk To Me by Cavetown.**_

_**Rogue**_

I decided to ditch school earlier today not wanting to draw more attention to me than there already was. I figured that what happened during the first period would cause an uproar in our school. And sure enough it did, Sting ended up bombarding me with questions during our fourth period class and before that I got a ton of glares and snide remarks. Not that I really cared but it did make me slightly uncomfortable to be the center of the attention again. Didn't help when they started pointing me out as "the murderer." I tried to stay still during fifth and for once gave more attention to the teacher as they were going on about the history of Fiore as Sting tried to get my attention.

"What did you do? Did you drug her? Threaten her?" Sting whispered yelled as he pulled me uncomfortably closer.

"You got me. I laced her with infatuation pills that'll wear off in a week. And told her if she didn't hang around me she wouldn't get the antidote" I snarkily bit back. Seeing the widening in his eyes and accusatory stance I enlightened the brainless idiot. "No of course I didn't you dingus. I don't know why she suddenly wanted to hang around me."

He gave me a dirty look before facing back at the front of the class as our teacher went on about past wars. A far off look crossed his features as he leaned back into his seat, a heavy frown forming. "Look Rogue, just be careful when you're around Blondie. It's not that I don't trust her or anything but," he crossed his arms, his demeanor more serious as he stared off. "Be careful. There's no doubt that people will take it the wrong way and whether you want to get serious with this whole situation or not. Or on friendly terms with her just watch your back. Blondie has a lot of admirers that won't take this lightly and might come after you. Trust me and just watch out."

I didn't know whether to be in awe or worried at his statement. I don't doubt that this could all go in a chaotic route but something in me told me to go with it. All I could do was nod my head at his statement while class went on. Trouble was always lurking around me whether I liked it or not but something about this made me feel uneasy.

Class ended as all the students gathered their belongings all ready for lunch, before I could leave with Sting he flung his arm around my shoulder pulling me into him with a side embrace. "But I do gotta say if there's a possibility at a love life for ya I'll be rooting for ya." I elbowed him at his weird remark. I wasn't looking at her with the thought of love at the end of the tunnel. Rolling my eyes I got up from my seat as he chuckled and let go. Patting my shoulder he quickly states "let's go before the gang comes looking for us. Don't doubt they got some questions for ya as well."

The day went without another incident other than gossip spreading like wildfire and looks and snears following my every move. It felt like elementary all over again and as much as I didn't let it bother me it kinda did. By sixth period I somehow managed to make it through most of the school day. And an odd feeling kept burning through my gut that something was bound to happen. That alone made me leave school by the start of seventh period. I decided to head towards the park to at least relax my nerves. When I arrived I checked my surroundings and noticed it was empty before deciding to sit down on the swing. I pulled out my flask and decided to take a drink to get the edge off.

Letting out a big sigh I decide to kick the ground to give me a bit of momentum to swing. I lean my head against the iron holding me up and shut my eyes for a minute to try to force my nerves down. Why am I uneasy? The day started like any other day, wasn't till she came in during our first class. I didn't really expect her to even look my way again or even attempt to sit by me or want to talk to me.

Staring at the ground I couldn't help a small ghost smile form on my lips. The look she gave me was like I was watching a frightened bunny try to confront the big bad wolf. I chuckled at the memory, maybe this was why Gajeel called her bunny. Makes sense after watching her movements and reactions when she walked up to me and even sat by me. The small glowing smile she had when we passed notes left an odd feeling behind in me. I know I'm not an idiot, she's obviously an attractive girl. But her smile alone, I didn't know why it seemed more and more inviting and the sudden urge to protect that smile came forth as well. But what gave me the most joy was seeing their awestruck faces as they saw her with me. It made me feel weirdly special even though there wasn't really much to think of it.

She was an odd one that was for sure.

Footsteps echo in the distance alerting me as I bring my attention to the noise. Five teen males stride over to me before giving each other a knowing look as the leader of the group walks up to me. I've seen all five of them at school before, but never really knew their names. Regardless I have an idea as to why they're here and the possibility of what is about to happen. Leaning forward onto my knees I stare them down before asking "what do you want?"

Smirking the tall brunette male glances over his shoulder before turning back to me and glares down at me. The look made it very clear that he thought I was the scum of the earth and judging by his stance he looked ready to kill. He gave a small eery chuckle before punching me in the face. The force was enough to make me fall out of the seat and to the ground. My left cheek stung, trying to keep my cool I glared at the ground before attempting to get up. As I attempted to get halfway up I felt my breath being forced out of me. The male decided to kick me in the gut making me curl a bit in pain as I attempted to get my breath back. Groaning I glared up at the male "what the hell is your problem!" Leaning down he chuckles before striking me in the face again. No doubt going to leave a bruise.

"So we hear that you're suddenly on friendly terms with Heartfilia. How'd a freak like you accomplish that?" the male growled out.

One of the other males decides to pipe up as well. "Yeah there's no way she willingly would want to be around you. And even if she suddenly decides to be nice to you it'd be out of charity. So don't get cocky ya freak."

"Then again we can't really blame you for wanting to get at Heartfilia, after all she's got an amazing body and really easy on the eyes." Their crude comments made me feel a bit angry and uncomfortable. All five males agree and add on more to his comment before bringing their attention back to me.

Internally rolling my eyes I force myself to stand up before turning to face the five teens. Why does this feel like some shitty high school drama? Letting out a sigh I give all of them an impassive stare before replying with a monotone voice. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about. Quite frankly I don't care. Either way it was her choice to sit next to me and frankly why does it even matter? It's not any of your business if we're on 'friendly' terms. Plus last I checked she had a boyfriend so why does it matter." Rolling back my shoulders not in the mood to get assaulted anymore I try to give them a warning. "Also, touch me one more time and I'll kick your asses. So leave me alone. Take your sausage fest somewhere else."

They all laugh almost hysterically making my blood boil a bit. Scratching my face, I run my tongue over my canines as the lead boy grabs onto my tie. "Funny joke freak. But you have no room to tell us what to do. Last I heard they're no longer together. So she's free for the taking, so keep your blood ridden hands away and go back to hiding you monster." I was slightly taken back from the news, the puzzle in my head slowly was made as to why she seemed so down. Then again I shouldn't really listen to what these guys had to say. But my nerves were set ablaze at his last sentence. I could already tell where the conversation was headed and I really hoped I wouldn't be set off in another panic.

"That's right you killed your dad didn't you? It was all over the news almost nine or ten years ago. After all who could forgive a murderer. All the adults around town especially hate your guts since most of them were friends with your dad." I felt my blood run cold, my breaths felt short and I could feel myself shaking from the comment. That's the main thing everyone remembers me by.

They all laugh in unison continuing on calling me a monster and a murderer. I tried to force the burning pain back before it engulfed me. If I let it affect me too much I knew I was done for. I knew the only way I could get away was to fight. The only problem with that was it'd have to be quick and a five vs one battle might be pushing it depending on their strength levels. Though one comment about my father made my blood boil and I was ready to snap.

"Well it's not like your dad loved you anyways. Afterall I bet he was happy he died to get away from you, then again probably wished he got rid of you with his own hands."

I slammed my fist into that boy's mouth feeling the graze of his teeth as they tore my knuckles as he fell to the ground. Remnants of teeth fragments on the floor as blood seeped out of his mouth, a cry in pain echoed in the park. His other buddies stood still in shock before they all started rushing me. I was able to perry out of the way of a few fists and return a few as well. I couldn't feel the pain of my knuckles anymore or the pulsing of my face. The taste of metal forgotten, my sole focus on finishing this fight and ridding myself of any anxiety and replacing it with rage. I got at least three of them down on the ground but still stuck with two.

The leader of the group, I think they said his name was Dan? He looked just as roughed up as the silver haired male right next to him. I knew I wasn't in any shape either and the fight felt like it's been an hour and exhaustion was taking all of us. The only sound left echoing was our heavy labor as we glared one another down, still sizing each other up and clearly wanting to end this.

The silver haired male runs up throwing a kick as it slams into my forearm. I tried to punch him but he dodged and followed with a hook. I perried out of the way just in a knick of time and was able to knock him off his feet before mounting him and landing a blow on his nose. The satisfying crunch told me enough as he cried out in agony, cursing me out along with his nose. I was pulled into a standing rear choke hold by the leader as he pulled me away from his friend. Adrenaline was still pumping in my veins as I tried to force him to let go. His buddy got up, spitting out a glob of blood on the pavement that we found ourselves in before a wicked smile formed on his face. He knew he had his chance to strike me if I didn't get out of this hold soon. The arm wrapped around my throat was secure as he tightened his hold. I knew I only had a few seconds to get out of this or I'll be knocked out. And who knows what'll happen after.

A small gasp was heard in the distance but long forgotten as the silver haired male tried to punch me. Hoping for the best I luckily managed to kick him square in the chest sending him flying back, forcing the air out of him. He was groaning and wheezing in pain on the floor, but I knew I wasn't out of the water yet. Thank god I had long legs, I thought to myself.

Reaching up I grab onto the leader's arm and quickly jump back forcing him to stumble slightly before flinging my body against his arm forcing him to let go. Forcing air in I felt light headed from the lack of blood flow as I quickly got behind him, pulling his arm along as I put him into a reverse arm hold forcing him into the ground. Placing my foot between his shoulder blades I keep him locked in, forcing his arm back as he grunts in agony.

"Are you done with this bullshit yet? Or do I gotta break it for you guys to leave?" I growled out as I leaned forward forcing my weight into him more. I didn't want it to resort to that but if I wanted them out of my hair I had to make them fear me more. I could feel a warm substance licking my skin along with my sweat. Not even remembering when I got a head wound but I was really getting fed up with this.

He almost hysterically whimpered as tears filled his eyes knowing full well I meant that threat. "You know we won't be the only ones after you, monster. Even if you break my arm you'll just be proving everyone more that you're a demon!"

Grinding my teeth I moved his arm into a better angle. I was really getting fed up with all this bullshit. If he really wanted a demon then I was in no way going to disappoint especially if I can get them off my ass for a while. To think this all started over a girl that I helped just sitting by me. Ridiculous.

A pair of arms reach around me and in pure alarm I yank away before turning ready to fight whoever got up this time. Shock was clear in both of our eyes as we watched one another. Speak of the devil of this problem I thought to myself. She slowly brings her hands up before I turn away from her giving one last kick in the gut for the male below me. I growled out a "get lost" as he rushed away trying to wake his buddies before leaving. Almost angry and bewildered, I turned back to make sure I wasn't seeing some form of a figment in my imagination but it was clear it was her. Reaching up to grab onto her shoulder she flinched from my touch as her eyes wandered around to the fleeing bodies and the stained floor. It hurt a bit that she reacted that way but I couldn't really blame her for it.

Pushing that thought aside I removed my hand and stepped away from her giving us distance. "What are you doing here? Don't sneak up on someone when they're in the middle of a fight! You could've gotten hurt you know." I felt frustrated and nervous, she no doubt is thinking I'm a monster.

Growling out a curse I pull out a cigarette getting ready to lit it trying my best to relax and be prepared for the blow. But her gentle hand grasps onto my chin, guiding it to look at her. Her gaze was gentle and filled with worry as she took in my disheveled appearance. They looked irritated and glossy almost as if she was crying, her cheeks were splotched in a rosy dust. Yet even now I could tell she still looked beautiful.

"Are you okay?" we both asked in unison. Shocked at the identical response I reached up to grasp her hand, removing it gently as I gazed at her. Ready to pull away before she grasps onto my hand, her demeanor filled with determination. The look itself made me chuckle as she frowned further. She let go before heading off to the swings and my hand felt almost cold, but I ignored it.

Lighting my cigarette as she came back with my bag and wrapped her arm around mine as she pulled me away. Confused, I followed her lead as we headed back to our homes making sure to take my bag from her. Throwing away the burned out cigarette, we arrived at our cross point. Glancing down at her I thought she'd just leave me here and we'd go our separate ways, but she dragged me along to her doorstep. She opened the door as she dragged me inside, my nervousness increasing. She told me to sit down before she wandered further into her home. Looking around I noticed a single portrait hanging on the wall of what looked to be a family. Taking a seat on her couch I leaned forward as I waited for her to return.

Thoughts trying to stream into my head of the memory. Their words sadly still clung to me as the bits of memories pushed forth. The first time after it all happened and having to go back to school after everything that fateful night. The empty feeling that ran through me when I saw the color dull in his eyes. The quick steps I took as the parents revolted at the front of the elementary school at letting me go back in. Garbage being flung at me as I passed by. Slurs yelled as I entered the school. The cold air as fear filled the hallways as I passed by, disgust from the teachers as I avoided their gazes. I remembered the feeling of being shoved into the desks as the teacher looked on as students surrounded me telling me to leave the school and yelling out I was a monster. And me trying to fight back and tell them it was a misunderstanding and they were wrong. Along with Sting as he attempted to rush up trying to shove everyone out of the way as he tried to get closer. Their backs as they turned away from us as the feeling of loneliness overtook. We were isolated from the school.

Taking a shaky breath I try to relax my increasing heart rate not wanting it to take over. I hated feeling so weak about a worthless memory, the ghost of my past. The hatred I felt and the fear of each passing day was just a reminder. Maybe I really shouldn't let her get too close. She'll end up like the rest of my group and possibly be hated for being around. Then again it's not like we're that close. Even then something about her left me curious. Even if just being around her only brought trouble.

I didn't notice the oncoming footsteps until I heard a soft melody of a voice calling out to me. Bringing my gaze back up I notice the blinding blonde hair and brilliant smile shining down on me. Confusion etched on my face as she stood beside me as shyness took over her. A hue of baby pink dusting over her cheeks. Her loose golden locks flow almost in an angelic way around her face as she shifts her stance. A soft smile on her rosy lips as she nervously looks away before sitting beside me with a first aid kit and towel in her hands.

"S-sorry. I didn't mean to drag you away without telling you where we were going. Your wounds needed to be cleaned and I just dragged you away without a second thought…" She instructs me to turn to her and as I did I couldn't help the small smile form on my face. "I- I saw you in the middle of the fight and I just rushed over.." She nervously explains and the action itself leaves me with a stirring feeling inside. "I got worried and called out to you but it seemed like you didn't hear me and by the time I reached you… well you know what happened by then. Plus I wanted to talk to you..." She mumbled the last sentence as she opened the little box.

Snorting at her action she gives me a fake glare. "What couldn't get enough of the teasing from earlier? Didn't take you for a masochist." Her blush turns into a darker hue as she stumbles over her words. Chuckling at her reaction I decide to hold back on teasing her more. "Sorry you saw that. Thanks for stopping me though." I gently told her and took a chance to glance up at her. She was frowning and looked ready to ask questions. The look alone made me remember her actions earlier and made me want to call her a fish again. The action didn't go unnoticed by her though.

"I'm not a fish you jerk." she mumbles out as a chuckle left my lips as she stared curiously into my eyes. "What happened out there Rogue? Why were you fighting with those guys." She dabs the towel gently on my face trying to remove the dried blood. "I know I don't really have a right to know, but I got worried and I hope I wasn't the reason for you getting hurt."

Closing my eyes I couldn't help a frown form onto my face, in a hushed voice I gave her a small explanation. "Wasn't really your fault. You didn't make those guys come after me, if anything seemed like they wanted to try to fight me anyways. Trust me, don't worry too much about it. It's not a big deal."

"Regardless you got hurt because of me Rogue. I'm so sorry, even if you tell me it wasn't my fault I indirectly got you involved and you got hurt because of me." Tears welled up in her eyes as she leaned forward into my chest. I patted her head as I watched her.

"It's not your fault. I was the one who fought them and regardless it was bound to happen at some point. Believe it or not, people hate me. So don't cry Lucy, it's really not a big deal. I'm fine." She slowly calmed down before continuing to clean and dress my wounds. Feeling slightly uncomfortable with the silence, I adjust in my seat before trying to start conversation again. "So, uh, I don't mean to pry either but it kinda looks like you've been crying. Anything possibly good, or bad, happen to you?" God that sounded awkward. Way to go me.

A small smile formed on her face before she decided to speak. "I just wanted to tell you thanks for the advice from earlier." I sat silently next to her a bit confused as she continued on, "when you told me I should talk about how I'm feeling. Originally I was going to run away like a coward and avoid my friends, but they caught me. We talked about the situation going on. And I decided to tell them everything and even my decision moving forward and well I don't know, I felt liberated!" She inspects my face for any more wounds before moving onto my hands.

I felt a small prick of delight for her glad that she took that advice. I honestly felt like it wasn't the best thing I could've said to her, but I'm happy it worked somehow. "Glad to hear, so what'd they say?" I didn't understand why I wanted to keep the conversation going, but hearing her talk excitedly was comforting. And judging from how well she dressed my wounds it made me curious why she was good at it.

"They weren't happy at first." she sighed but the ghost of a smile creeps onto her face at the memory. "But they accepted it and told me they still wanted to talk to me or at least check up on me. I was excited and scared at the same time. I don't know where to go from here other than try to move forward." Frowning, she turns her head slightly up towards me, a look of concern crosses her features as she bites her lip at the next thought. "Does it make me a bad person to want to be away from them? Is it a selfish idea to begin with? Or narcissistic to try to love myself more?"

I felt a bit frustrated at her self-doubt. Why isn't she just focusing on the positive side of it instead of worrying about what they thought? "It's not for wanting to better yourself. That's why they agreed right?" Running my tongue over my teeth I try to find a better way to console her or at least stop her from the self-doubt. "It won't be easy and it usually isn't at first but that's part of it right? Think of it this way, will you regret your decision if things change in the future and you become someone else?"

Glancing back down at my now covered hands she thinks over the question before hesitantly answering. "No," shaking her head she lets go of my hands and closes the first aid kit, "but that's the thing that I'm scared of. What if I change so much that they don't want to be around me anymore?"

"Then they didn't really care for you. Are you changing for them or for yourself? If you think that it's right and they don't like it 'cause they're stuck with an idea of who you were then fuck them. The whole point is to better yourself right? If they truly care then they'll be beside you along the way and help you grow. And if you're proud of your changes then they should be too if it's for the best." Leaning back I still felt frustrated with her.

Wanting to add more to it I try to calm down before continuing on. "If you can proudly look back at yourself in the future and say that 'I'm glad I did this' then it's worth it. Part of moving forward is accepting the past and making the steps you needed to change and become a better person. Part of it is losing people and it'll hurt but that's part of life, right?"

Silence filled the air between us as she mulled over my words. I felt a bit hypocritical after saying all that, but it was the truth. And I'll be damned if she can't see that for herself. Before I knew it I felt arms circle around me, pulling me into a tight hug. Shocked I turn my attention back to her as she cries into my jacket and holds me close. Sighing I wrap my arm around her letting my cheek lean onto her head. She really cries a lot and I'll never understand how she can openly do it. As I rub her back her breathing settles before she pulls away and smiles up at me. Showing me her pearly whites as a gentle almost peaceful glow fills her face.

"You're really kind, you know that Rogue. I'm glad I met you."

Frowning a bit I felt the need to tell her "I'm not as nice as you think I am. I normally don't do this you know." Something about you makes me want to be nice and it scares me I think to myself as we go back into silence.

The pounding of feet on the wooden floors echoed in the room before a white labrador came halting in front of us. I felt the urge to move but the pooch decided to pounce me and lap up my face. I couldn't help but laugh at the energy the dog had before giving him a few good scratches as they settled their head down onto my lap. A click and small giggle erupts in front of me causing me to turn to the assailant confusion clear on my face. The blonde leaned forward scratching her pup behind the ear with an almost gleeful look. Her gaze wanders down to her now apparent phone in her hand with a wide smile. Her dog's tail flailing back and forth before belting out a small bark making me jump from the sound.

"Didn't take you for an animal lover, Rogue. Hi there Plue, did you make a new friend?" She coos to her beastly roommate. She turns her attention back to me before showing me her phone screen. The picture of me smiling down and her pup looking joyous of the affection. It was odd to see and made me blush a bit at the fact that not only did she catch me in the act but also had photo proof of the action.

Coughing into my hand I turn away before mumbling for her to delete the photo. She refused, making me mutter a "whatever" before she paused again. Nonchalantly petting her pup again before she decided to speak again. "Even if you don't think that and it could be true for all I know. But you've shown me only kindness since I met you. I think you're a kind hearted guy with a mean looking exterior that you put up around anyone that you don't trust or like. You know if you smiled more people won't think you look like a ghoul." By emphasizing her point she forces the side of her cheeks into a smile with her pointer fingers in a goofy manner.

Snorting I gently shove her face away, "if anyone looks like a ghoul it's you with your creepy face. And maybe I don't want people to get too close. Remember? People hate me. They don't want to get too close themselves, ever thought of that. Would've thought a prodigy like yourself could tell. Guess you're as smart as Sting."

She gently shoves my shoulder offended before huffing haughty "my face isn't creepy! And don't compare my level of intelligence to Sting! Though I don't really know him all that well but from what test grades can tell me I'm not that dumb." Complaining in a mumbled tone I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Yeah his grades are that of a nightmare alright. Not even an exorcist can remove his level of stupidity that's for sure." Laughter fills the void and it feels oddly nice. Just being able to joke with her was weirdly enjoyable and the fact she actually went along instead of left at my crude jokes was a breath of fresh air. She really could let loose and go along with a joke. "You know you're really weird."

Pouting like a child she flicks my arm as I laugh at her behavior again. She starts to smile again as she stares off into the distance. "I never thought I could laugh like that so soon. Everyone usually has this idea of me and holds me up to a pedestal of how I should be or should react or act. That I'm not even a person, more of a doll. Not unique but fragile. And honestly I think I am at times and if you asked me a few days ago I would be a bawling mess. I still feel like a mess but being with you right now feels nice. Like I don't have to act like a helpless girl or even think about my mistakes or problems. Like I could understand what normal could be." Turning back to me again she softly says "thank you."

Nodding my head I could still feel myself smiling slightly. It felt odd to smile this much and I don't know if I liked that. "Yeah never thought I'd be here joking with you. Not that it's a bad thing, but I didn't expect this. You seem like a whole different person from what I've seen at school and heard about you. Though I never really listened to people much at school but right now you seem like a free bunny if anything."

"Oh god have you been talking to Gajeel? He calls me bunny girl all the time ever since he had me wear a bunny suit one time and apparently I reacted like a scared bunny the first time I met him." she shivers at the memory. "But I wouldn't really know what the school talks about other than…" She pauses and lets a small sigh escape. "Other than what I've already said. They mostly treat me like the light of the school. I get anxious at the thought that I'd never reach their expectations and I don't think I deserve that title at all."

Pausing at her words against the nagging thought in my mind I decide to state. "He made you wear a bunny suit?" she smacks my arm as I chuckle. "Okay, okay. But yeah that's mostly what I heard. There was one time when you were carried out by that salmon haired asshole that the school was in an uproar, but I barely remember what went down around then. I just remember that I I felt bad that you didn't get a chance to breathe. You were the talk of the school and it seemed like everyone never let the talk of you go. It seemed suffocating even on the sidelines. But I kinda understood how that must've felt."

"Y-yeah...that was a bad time." She frowned once again and I felt like that was my cue. Patting Plue one more time I slowly stood up as he removed his head from my lap. Reaching down I grab my bag missing the bigger frown forming on her face.

"Well it's getting late, I should probably head home. Thanks for, well," pointing at my injuries, "this." Going around her I get ready to walk towards the door before she reaches out grabbing my jacket making me pause before turning my gaze back towards her.

Confusion clear on my face as I watched her waiting. She blushed lightly at her action before apologizing as she let go and turned her gaze away. "S-sorry… Um, Rogue. I k-know this is sudden but, uh, well. W-would you li-like to stay a little longer? We could watch a movie if you'd like? I-I just want to enjoy feeling relaxed a little longer." Sighing, she turns back towards me before smiling again. "I want to get to know you a bit more and your company really is relaxing. You don't have to say yes if you don't want to."

Running a hand through my hair I pull out my phone noticing a message from Sting. He was currently at my place wondering where I was. I didn't understand why I was going to do this but when I looked into her honey eyes curiosity got the best of me. I decided to send him a message to feed Frosch and that I'd be home late tonight before giving her a small smile and agreeing. Her smile grew before she pulled me back over to the couch as a chuckle escaped my lips.

What am I even doing anymore?


End file.
